A long, long time ago, in the back seat of a '66 Mustang...
May 18, 1999
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Today's moderator, Geoff Brown, has been a Top5 Contributor since 1994,
and a "Star Wars" fan for almost as long as he can remember.
He plans on being just one small part of the largest loss of productivity
ever when he takes the day off to see the new movie tomorrow, although, thanks
to the Jedi Mind Trick, the telephone, and modern technology, he didn't have to
wait in line all night for tickets and look like a bigger nerd than he already is.
That's right, tomorrow's the big day for "Star Wars" fans here in the U.S. --
The opening of "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace."
The Top 14 Signs You're Not
Watching the Real "Phantom Menace"
- As if the girl-girl porno action weren't tacky enough, you can actually see the strings holding up the planets.
- Somehow, R2-D2 manages to give Darth Maul the finger.
- Right when Obi-Wan is about to whip out his "lightsaber," the screen goes blank and you have to put in another 50 cents.
- Queen Amidala looks suspiciously like one of the Olsen twins.
- As Leia Orgasma takes off her clothes, you realize you've stumbled into "The Phantom Moan-fest."
- The "lightsaber duel" consists of nothing but two guys with Nerf baseball bats making lightsaber noises with their mouths.
- None of the previews mentioned the evil Darth Diggler or queen Ches-Ti Ho.
- The scene of the young Anakin Skywalker straddling his Pod Racer -- arms outstretched -- shouting, "I'm Lord of the Universe!" is just a tad derivative.
- "Help me, Monica... You're my only hope!"
- Leslie Neilsen as "Dark Mall"?! I don't friggin' think so!
- Yoda looks awfully pale, and he keeps saying "Taco Bell, yo quiero."
- "Starring Jerry Mathers as The Menace," just doesn't sound right.
- Anakin Skywalker is played by a small black child whose only line is "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
and the Number 1 Sign You're Not Watching the Real "Phantom Menace"...
- You're having trouble reading the subtitled translations for Obi Juan Kenobi.
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 142 submissions from 53 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Curt Cutting, Santa Monica, CA -- 1, 12 (2nd #1)
- Sue Prifogle Otte, Rushville, IN -- 2 Email
- Ken Shinodo, Bend, OR -- 3
- Mark Levine, Los Angeles, CA -- 4 Email
- Chris Gleason, Gaithersburg, MD -- 5
- Geoff Brown, Farmington Hills, MI -- 6, 9 Email / Website
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD -- 7 Email / Hall of Famer
- Jon Litfin, Columbus, OH -- 8 Email
- Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY -- 10 Email
- Jennifer Bieneman, Grand Rapids, MI -- 11 Email
- Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA -- 12 Email
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 13 Email / Website
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA -- 14 Email / Website
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA -- Topic Email / Hall of Famer
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
- Kevin Freels, Burbank, CA -- Runner Up list name Email / Website
- Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA -- Honorable Mention list name
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Max Rebo, Jabba's Palace -- Ambience
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