12. "I thought this was a real ethical dilemma for a major corporate executive, so I called the folks at '60 Minutes' for some advice."

11. "You know, that hairpiece really draws attention away from your acne scars!"

10. "Okay, I admit I've been taking your lunches from the fridge -- but only to help you lose weight."

9. "Harassment, my ass -- I only tweaked her boon, fer chrissakes!"

8. "Mr. Lay? I have some questions regarding a few accounting irregularities I accidentally found."

7. "Hey, boss! It's me! Over here! First time at a gay bar?"

6. "Wow, that girl next to you in the picture looks exactly like this skank who gave me the clap last year."

5. "Bossdude, your daughter and I forgot my bong in the backseat of your Benz last night!"

4. "Is it my imagination, Ms. Fetzer, or is your ass starting to sag?"

3. "Sir, I hope you don't mind that I invited my friend the union recruiter to the company picnic."

2. "Well just between you and me, I wasn't, you know, *SICK* sick."

   and the Number 1 Thing You Should Never, Ever Say to Your Boss...

1. "Actually, I don't HAVE a personal savior, you deity-worshipping loser."

Join ClubTop5 to check out the runner up submissions for this list.