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Hand-built by pants-wearing robot monkeys.
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May 22, 2003
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Two male pilots at Southwest Airlines were fired
recently for taking off their uniforms and flying
a plane nearly naked. As if that weren't enough,
a businessman announced the creation of the
first-ever naked airline, with its first
flight scheduled to go from Miami to Cancun.
What is this world coming to? And more
importantly, how can I get a ticket?
The Top 15 Differences on a Naked Airline Flight
- You don't instinctively panic when someone yells, "We're going down!"
- The liquor bottles aren't the only obviously undersized objects on the flight.
- Look at those beautiful leather seats! Never mind -- that's just the AARP group returning from Cancun.
- Three straight hours of the guy next to you asking for help adjusting his seat belt.
- "Sorry about that turbulence, ladies and gentlemen -- my co-pilot grabbed the wrong stick."
- "Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has turned off the 'No Groping' sign...."
- "We'll now begin pre-boarding for passengers with cups C through D."
- You lowered your window shade, but you can still see a full moon. Six of 'em, in fact.
- Earning Mile High Club membership requires much less strategizing than with other airlines.
- At meal time, nobody orders the pulled chicken.
- "... and those of you on the left side of the cabin, if you now look to the right, you can see the towering timber of flight attendant Brian."
- The guy next to you won't shut up about how tough it is to be the only African-American on the Supreme Court.
- It's much easier to tell when somebody's coming down the aisle with nuts.
- "And now in the left aisle, serving cocktails, come on guys, put your hands together for *Taammyyyy*!"
and the Number 1 Difference on a Naked Airline Flight...
- Forget flotation devices -- after what those seat cushions have been through, you'd rather drown.
Selected from 127 submissions from 48 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 1 (14th #1)
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 2 Hall of Famer
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 3 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- John Treusch, Burlington, NJ -- 3 Email / Hall of Famer
- Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA -- 4, 13
- Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 5 Email
- Danny Gallagher, Austin, TX -- 6, 11 Email
- Dave Juurlink, Toronto, Canada -- 7
- Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 8
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 8 Email / Hall of Famer
- Brandon Muller, Las Vegas, NV -- 9
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 10
- Chun Ho, Honolulu, HI -- 11
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 12
- Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 14
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 15 Email
- David M. Muench, Edmond, OK -- Topic
- Danny Newton, Little Rock, AR -- Topic
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Runner Up list name
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- Honorable Mention list name
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Warren Zevon, Chicago, IL -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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