15. No longer has any problem typing, in fact, he's posted naked pictures of your cat on the Web.

14. "Fetch!" "I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave."

13. Refuses to pee on Al Gore out of professional courtesy.

12. Playful "mailman's here" yap replaced by maniacal paw-flapping "Warning, Jim Rosenberg, Warning!"

11. Shorts out every time he licks himself.

10. After he's mangled in a terrible explosion, his one-armed torso still pursues the mailman.

9. Routinely kicks your sorry Mensa ass at chess.

8. When you fake throwing a ball for him to fetch, you hear, "Projectile Analysis Module reports error Division By Zero. Aborting!"

7. He not only chases cars, he catches them, drags them back, and buries them in the front yard.

6. Pages you when little Timmy falls down the old well.

5. Frequently eats documents left lying around the house, presses tail into phone jack, and leaves you with expensive long-distance phone bills to China.

4. Three words: "Yo quiero Pennzoil."

3. Tell-tale oil stains when he drags his butt across the carpet.

2. No longer wants to hump your leg, but your vacuum cleaner is pregnant.

   and the Number 1 Sign Your Dog Has Been Replaced By a Robot Dog...

1. Run-in with the invisible fence makes for the greatest Fourth of July spectacle the town's ever seen.

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