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Always consult your physician before reading a humor list.
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May 30, 2003
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
A reporter for the New York Times was fired recently
for fabricating stories, plagiarizing stories, etc.
"But Chris," you ask, "How can *I* know if a reporter
is telling the truth?" I'm sooooo glad you asked....
The Top 16 Signs a Newspaper Reporter
Isn't Being Completely Honest
- His "Crime Beat" report reads exactly like last week's episode of CSI.
- Has a framed picture of Geraldo Rivera on his desk.
- All interviews she turns in are accompanied by a nonchalant, "He's still alive, right?"
- "Dateline: Atlantis...."
- Starts every story with "I never thought it could happen to me, but there I was alone in my dorm...."
- She backs up every claim with a confident "Sources close to my imagination say...."
- List of corrections has recently become larger than the sports section.
- His latest headline: "President's New Tax Plan Benefits Hotties Willing to Sleep With This Reporter."
- Her last two stories were about Bill Clinton joining a seminary and George W. Bush joining Mensa.
- Repeated use of the phrase "so to speak" has the editor constantly chugging Pepto Bismol.
- "And then the thief charged $20,000 to your credit card? How horrible! What's the number on your new card?"
- His expense account only lists hallucinogens.
- The most recent exclusive was "An Undercover Look at the Aryan Brotherhood," by Lionel Washington.
- His in-depth piece on industrial pollution includes quotes from environmental expert Heywood Jablowme.
- All of his stories take place in made-up places like "Idaho" and "Wyoming."
and the Number 1 Sign a Newspaper Reporter Isn't Being Completely Honest...
- Article on tax-breaks for the movie industry quotes "several high-profile Republicans in Hollywood."
Selected from 119 submissions from 42 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 1, 16 (12th #1)
- Andy Ihnatko, Boston, MA -- 2
- Whit Watson, West Hartford, CT -- 3
- Wayne Kierstead, Clackamas, OR -- 4
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 5 Email / Hall of Famer
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 6, RU list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 7 Website
- Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL -- 8 Email
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- 8
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 9 Hall of Famer
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 10 Email / Website
- Brandon Muller, Las Vegas, NV -- 11, 13
- Cathie Walker, Victoria, BC, Canada -- 12 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 13 Email / Hall of Famer
- Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 14, 15 Email
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag, Topic Email
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- Honorable Mention list name
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Billy Joel, Hickville, Long Island, NY -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.
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