June 1, 2001
The Top 15 Items on Timothy McVeigh's To-Do List
- Finally tell off that loudmouth weight lifter in the exercise yard.
- Same as every other nutcase -- blame the whole thing on MTV's "Jackass."
- Take another crack at that damn "Hideously Unfair and Absolutely Biased Top5 Contributor Test."
- Speed reading!
- Decide on last words: "I'll see you in Hell, Will Rogers" or "Sorry, I don't do drugs."
- Crochet another dozen baby blue afghans for the boys of Terre Haute.
- In preparation for some serious ass-kissing, get that "Satan's Bitch" tattoo.
- Plot the violent overthrow of a corrupt government -- at least until this damned prison makes a proper double latte.
- Cancel date for New Year's Eve.
- Have the last laugh by officially changing name to "Poopie Farter," resulting in hilarious headlines the next morning.
- Cancel that subscription to Dangerous Loner Digest.
- Leave care and feeding instructions for Mr. Jingles with warden.
- Ask the guard if it's not too late to change answers on the warden's "How'm I Doin'?" comment card.
- "Lethally inject" a case of Old Milwaukee.
and the Number 1 Item on Timothy McVeigh's To-Do List...
- Break down, cry like a little girl and wet my pants. Repeat hourly.
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 145 submissions from 53 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 1 (23rd #1) Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Perry Friedman, Monterey, CA -- 1 (4th #1) Email / Website
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 2 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Pat McCarley, Missouri City, TX -- 3
- Peter Rogers, Austin, TX -- 4
- Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH -- 5
- Rex Meredith, Palm Springs, CA -- 5
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 6 Email
- Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA -- 7 Email
- Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA -- 8, 10 Hall of Famer
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 9 Email / Hall of Famer
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 11 Hall of Famer
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 12 Email / Website
- Kristopher Kettner, Chicago, IL -- 13 Email / Website
- Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA -- 14 Email / Website
- Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 15
- Don Swain, Rochester Hills, MI -- Topic Email / Website
- Naomi Rose, East Farmingdale, NY -- Banner tag
- Curtis Matthews, Kennesaw, GA -- Runner Up list name Email
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- Honorable Mention list name Email / Website
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Judas Priest, Birmingham, England -- Ambience (explanation)
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