15. "I can't believe you can fit into such a small Speedo, Bob!"

14. "Most guys think they *have* to have a cool car -- but not you."

13. "A bright red mini-dress! You really have tons of confidence in your inner beauty."

12. "You really make me feel intelligent -- especially when you talk."

11. "Look at how much weight you've lost! That dress didn't fit you nearly as well at that last wedding you wore it to."

10. "Not only do you dance surprisingly well, you *smell* better than most ugly chicks."

9. "Great sermon, Father! That loud part at the end was a real wake-up call!"

8. "Wow! For a first-time sexual encounter, that was refreshingly speedy!"

7. "Now, now, it's just as important to stay behind and guard the women and children."

6. "It's nice that you can wear tight jeans without that unsightly bulge in the crotch that most men have."

5. "I've never seen a man chug so many chardonnays."

4. "No, really -- compared to Grenada, Afghanistan and Somalia, you Iraqi Army guys kick *ass.*"

3. "What I like about your toupee is it says, 'Hey, I have better things to spend my money on!'"

2. "You have 10 cats?!? Wow, it only smells like three or four."

   and the Number 1 Backhanded Compliment...

1. "Okay, let's try it. One that size can't possibly be painful."

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