15. "You know Mommy's black dress? When Mommy puts it on, and Daddy manages not to say anything stupid, babies can happen."

14. "Well, honey, every once in a while the Viagra fairy comes to visit and..."

13. "Think back to that time we caught you and your boyfriend on the sofa, ya little tramp."

12. "Human babies? I wouldn't know."

11. "Apparently, from your father's secretary. Now shut up and keep packing."

10. If you want to continue to keep them in the dark, use the example of the adopted Chinese baby down the street. Work in a lot of technical mumbo jumbo about the intricacies of free trade and the GATT, and after a while your kids will become so confused, they'll stop asking such probing questions. Hey, it works for our politicians.

9. "Mostly from Shawn Kemp."

8. "I've arranged for Father McFeely to spend a nice, private evening explaining it to you."

7. "Babies come about as eddies in the primordial soup, carbon-based hiccups on the long road to thermal death, cruel hoaxes flung at us by a mirthless cosmos, twisted dreams of-- Look! Clowns!!!"

6. Just declare Executive Privilege and label them unpatriotic for asking.

5. "Can this wait until tomorrow, honey? Mommy's going to be late for work at the sperm bank."

4. "From the unholy union of your mother and one of Satan's minions."

3. "Well, Daddy rides a steam train into Mommy's tunnel, and the train blows its whistle. When the whistle blows at the right time, Mommy gets a baby. Other times, Daddy's whistle blows too early and Mommy has to play wi

2. "If I knew that, sweetie, I'd send 'em back!"

   and the Number 1 Clever Response When Your Kids Ask Where Babies Come From...

1. "In your case, it was a quickie bent over the trunk of a '78 Monte Carlo in the parking lot at an Aerosmith concert with a guy who had some dope I couldn't afford. Why do you ask?"

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