June 13, 2000
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
The new hit show on TV here in the U.S. is "Survivor,"
in which a group of people are left on a deserted island
and compete to see who will be the last one to remain.
The Top 14 Reasons You're the Least
Popular Survivor on Your Desert Island
- Your Mr. T impression gets old after the first five minutes.
- The women aren't buying your repeated assertions that semen protects them against snakebites.
- You always ask your island mates, "Does this palm frond make my ass look big?"
- You use your gourmet cooking skills to make dog food stuffed rat garnished with grubs and maggots -- and nobody likes a show-off.
- Somebody keeps hocking loogies in your grubworm casserole.
- The coconut shell bra has its place -- but that place is not on the body of a 6'4", 300-lb. programmer named Max.
- You chopped down the island's only citrus tree to make room for your putt-putt golf course.
- You insist on being called "Ginger" -- even though your name is Tim.
- Not only are you over the age limit dictated by viewer demographics, everyone is really getting annoyed at you for using your Swiss Army dentures to crack open coconuts, cut down trees, and gut fish.
- Your irritating catch phrase: "Well excuse ME, Robinson Crusoe."
- Your habit of overdoing it with the paprika is ruining the subtle taste of cooked rat.
- You invented a coconut phone -- only to spend hours placing telemarketing calls to the other survivors.
- Your "coconut cream pie" specialty is nothing more than whipped seagull poop.
and the Number 1 Reason You're the Least Popular Survivor on Your Desert Island...
- Your favorite campfire song just happens to be "It's a Small World."
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 148 submissions from 50 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Carla Brandon, San Diego, CA -- 1, 9 (9th #1) Email
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC -- 2 Email / Hall of Famer
- Curt Cutting, Santa Monica, CA -- 3
- Rob Wolf, Seattle, WA -- 4, Runner Up list name Email
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 5, 13 Email / Hall of Famer
- Pam Pickard, North Canton, OH -- 6 (Rookie!)
- Brian Berry, Napoleon, OH -- 7 Email
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 8 Email
- Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI -- 9 Email
- Pat McCarley, Missouri City, TX -- 10
- Brian M. Klesc, Joliet, IL -- 11 (Rookie!)
- Steven Bevier, Redwood City, CA -- 12
- Travis Ruetenik, Walnut Creek, CA -- 14 (Rookie!)
- Eric Huret, Atlanta, GA -- Topic Website
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- HM list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Tony Clifton, Las Vegas, NV -- Ambience (explanation)
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