12. [*beep*]
    "Hi, this is Bob in Obituaries at the Times. Just checking."
    [*click*]

11. Conversations start with, "Say you look a lot like..."

10. TV Guide crossword puzzle clue: Intern Lewinsky.
    Answer: NEW ER DOC.

9. "Next, a very special guest star on a very special episode of Blossom..."

8. The paparazzi yell, "Hey, you... move! You're blocking our Ruth Buzzi shots!"

7. No one on eBay is interested in your severed penis.

6. "...and so we figured, hey, the show must go on -- why NOT cast you in the role of the 'Hey, Vern!' guy?"

5. It's been months since the FBI last misplaced any documents relating to your case.

4. Despite your utter lack of foolishness, you notice Mr. T pitying you.

3. Your invitation to be on Hollywood Squares says, "Hurry!"

2. Once you let the dogs out, that's it. They're gone.

   and the Number 1 Sign Your 15 Minutes of Fame are Almost Up...

1. No one has shot your wife in the head in *weeks*.

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