June 18, 2003
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Instead of the typical list, we've got
something a little different today...
The Top 20 Driving Haikus
- Blink Blink Blink Blink Blink
Blink Blink Blink Blink Blink Blink Blink.
Someday, you'll turn left.
- Lumbering monster.
Imports scatter before me.
Fear my Escalade!
- I'm in a hurry.
You are driving too slowly.
I must gesture now.
- It's always the same:
"Next exit 84 miles"
When I have to pee.
- Emits pollution
And spews poison gases. Car?
No, it's John Rocker.
- Rearview mirror shows
Highway patrol behind me.
How many did I have?
- Wake up in ER.
I was driving and reading,
Then I heard a crash.
- Oooh, there's a Starbucks!
Let's pull over and buy some
Four-dollar coffee.
- H2 SUV.
Traffic jam, gas tank on E.
U R SOL.
- Run, pedestrian!
I can't stop! Jump that curb!... Damn.
Bumpers are *not* cheap.
- An exact-change lane,
And you've only brought Visa?
Please, never leave home.
- Wheels are like mountains
In your giant monster truck.
Your schlong? Still compact.
- Ponytailed boomer
Doing thirty while singing
"Life in the Fast Lane."
- Get off that cell phone!
Safety dictates only *one*
Driver's side air bag.
- Use the crosswalk, fool!
I might not react in time!
Well, those are the brakes.
- Self-important prick!
Signal turns or you may find
Baby on *dash* board.
- Car slides over bridge!
Glad my underwear is clean.
Oops! I spoke too soon.
- Cut *me* off, you scum?
Pass you on the right! I win!!
Morning, officer.
- Something just happened
Between me and the leather.
Please crack a window.
and the Number 1 Driving Haiku...
- My toll booth hottie
Can't hear my smooth pickup lines
Over the car horns.
Join ClubTop5 to check out the
runner up submissions for this list.
Selected from 103 submissions from 41 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 1, 17 (10th #1)
- Pat McCarley, Missouri City, TX -- 2, 13
- Art Kinderbuch, Alexandria, VA -- 3
- Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA -- 4 Email / Website
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 5, 7, 12 (Hat trick!)
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 6 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 8, 14, Banner Tag Email
- Reid Kerr, Carthage, TX -- 9 Email / Website
- Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 10 Email / Website
- Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI -- 11
- Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 15
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 16 Email / Hall of Famer
- Lisa Lavoie, Warwick, RI -- 18 Email
- Whit Watson, West Hartford, CT -- 19
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 20 Hall of Famer
- Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI -- Topic
- Chris Urich, Herkimer, NY -- Topic
- Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA -- HM list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- Runner Up list name Email
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- The Soup Dragons, Glasgow, Scotland -- Ambience (explanation)
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