June 19, 2002
The Top 16 Signs Your Neighbor Has a Dirty Bomb
- Three times this week she's come over to borrow a cup of uranium-238.
- Daily muffled booms and the constant smell of charred hamster.
- Her every outfit is coordinated with a matching lead apron.
- There's a large pile of dead Jehovah's Witnesses at his front door.
- The box-office total for the first weekend of his new movie, "Bill and Monica's Excellent Adventure," was only $4860.
- After listening attentively to your Amway spiel, she asks if you sell bomb cleaner.
- Always kind of squirrelly, his son Skippy is now completely indistinguishable from one.
- A 20-foot pineapple just ate your dog, kennel and all.
- The nearest nuclear plant is 300 miles away, but your goldfish just started quoting Aristotle.
- You see a mushroom cloud in his back yard, yet his BBQ grill is covered.
- Before: Whines about how nobody likes him.
Now: Cackles about how everyone will fear him.
- You no longer step in your dog's poop now that it glows like neon.
- Before you can even load the bong, that weed he grows in his basement fires up all on its own.
- None of his other bombs press you for anal.
- You're a day late returning his hedge trimmer and he gets all "Hulk smash!" on you.
and the Number 1 Sign Your Neighbor Has a Dirty Bomb...
- When CNN airs spy-plane footage of the suspected Al-Qaeda terrorist compound, you spot your kid's Frisbee on the roof.
Join ClubTop5 to check out the runner up submissions for this list.
Selected from 133 submissions from 47 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Andy Ihnatko, Boston, MA -- 1 (9th #1)
- Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 2 Email
- Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL -- 3
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX -- 4, 14 Email / Hall of Famer
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 5, 16 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Danny Gallagher, Austin, TX -- 5, Topic Email
- Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA -- 6 Email / Website
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 7, 14 Email / Hall of Famer
- Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH -- 8
- Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia -- 9
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 9 Email / Hall of Famer
- Jody LaFerriere, Leominster, MA -- 10, 12 Website
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 11 Email
- Dave Juurlink, Toronto, Canada -- 13
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 15 Email / Website
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 16, RU list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Carla Brandon, San Diego, CA -- 16 Email
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 16
- Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA -- 16 Hall of Famer
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 16 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- David St. Hubbins, London, England -- Banner tag
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- HM list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- The Tubes, San Francisco, CA -- Ambience (explanation)
|
