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TopFive.com
"Do I think I'm cool? I don't know. I know I'm for real."
June 22, 2001


The Top 16 More Realistic Senior Class Award Categories


    1. Most Likely to, if Not "Succeed," at Least Experience a Slower Descent Into Pathetic, Miserable Failure

    2. Most Likely to Still Be Living in His Mom's Basement Well Past the Age of 30

    3. First to Run Out of Pierceable Body Parts

    4. Most Likely to Use the Phrase "My baby's father..." on an Episode of "Judge Judy"

    5. Most Likely to Succeed, With a Little Help from His Governor-of-Florida-Brother and the Supreme Court

    6. Most Likely to Go Through Four Divorces and a Personal Bankruptcy Before Finding Peace and Happiness in First the Michigan Militia and Later the Church of Scientology

    7. Most Likely Facing a Lifetime of Having to Pay for Sex

    8. Most Likely to Clean Puke Off the Side of Her Friend's Car With Her Shirt at Jack in the Box at 4:00 in the Morning

    9. Most Likely to Manage a Denny's and Live His Dreams Vicariously by Cursing at His 4 Year Old's T-Ball Coach

    10. Biggest Purveyor of Machiavellian Clique-Based Adolescent Cruelty

    11. Most Likely to Sever Tongue Licking the Inside of a Pringles Can

    12. Most Likely to Have More Than One Cat Named Frodo

    13. Most Likely to Lose a Lung in a Knife Fight at a Bar Over a "Friends" Trivia Question

    14. Most Likely to Be Traded to "Bull" in C-Block for Three Cartons of Marlboros

    15. Most Likely to Give a Cute Pet Name to His Riding Mower

      and the Number 1 More Realistic Senior Class Award Category...

    16. Most Likely to Get Knocked Up While High on 'Shrooms With a Complete Stranger Behind the Port-o-San at a Phish Concert, Name the Kid "Harmony," and Open a Head Shop in Ft. Lauderdale Catering to Retired Dead-Heads

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!




Selected from 212 submissions from 77 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH -- 1 (4th #1)
  • Andy Ihnatko, Boston, MA -- 2
  • Chris Irby, Dallas, TX -- 3
  • John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 3
  • Danny Gallagher, Austin, TX -- 4 Email
  • Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA -- 5
  • David Hyatt, New York, NY -- 6 Email / Website
  • Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI -- 7
  • Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN -- 8, 15
  • Bo Williams, Huntsville, AL -- 9
  • David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 10 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Julie Kozaczka Stahlhut, Kalamazoo, MI -- 11, 15 Email / Website
  • Eric Lipton, Washington, DC -- 12
  • Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 13
  • Pat McCarley, Missouri City, TX -- 14
  • Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 15
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 15 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Peter Rogers, Austin, TX -- 16
  • Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- Topic Email
  • John Lee Hooker, Clarksdale, MS -- Banner tag
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- RU list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- HM list name Email / Website
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • The Ramones, New York, NY -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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