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TopFive.com
Penned by a hack in the Palisades.
June 25, 2003


~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~

Author J.K. Rowling was so upset about killing off one
of the main characters in her latest Harry Potter saga
that she burst into tears. But the creator of the teenage
wizard said it was vital to be strong because if "you are
writing children's books, you need to be a ruthless killer."


The Top 16 Children's Stories Written by Ruthless Killers


    1. The Cat in the Hat Gets Whacked

    2. The Neverending Gory

    3. Horton Hears a Who Beg for Its Worthless Life

    4. The Slaughterhouse at Pooh Corner

    5. Harry Potter and the Suspicious Mounds of Dirt

    6. Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea in a Concrete Vest

    7. Say "Goodnight," Moon

    8. Curious George and the Body in the Spare Freezer

    9. The Punk in the Trunk

    10. The Little Chainsaw That Could

    11. Peter Pain

    12. Jeffrey Dahmer and the Order of the Phoemur (Lightly Braised with Caramelized Onions and Sprigs of Mint and Parsley)

    13. Chop Up Pop

    14. It's a Skull Saw, Charlie Brown!

    15. Marvin K. Mooney, Will You Please Stop Twitching?

      and the Number 1 Children's Story Written by a Ruthless Killer...

    16. Heather Has Two Machetes

Join ClubTop5 to check out the
runner up submissions for this list.





Selected from 149 submissions from 52 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Peg Warner, Exeter, NH -- 1 (16th #1) Email / Website
  • Dave Juurlink, Toronto, Canada -- 2, 12
  • Greg Preece, Toronto, Canada -- 3
  • Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 4
  • Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 5
  • Larry Baum, Hong Kong -- 6 Email
  • Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 7 Hall of Famer
  • Chun Ho, Honolulu, HI -- 8
  • Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL -- 9 Email
  • Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 10 Hall of Famer
  • Jaime McCarley, Houston, TX -- 11 Email
  • Pam Wylder, Bloomington, IL -- 13
  • Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 14, 16 Email
  • Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 15
  • Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA -- Topic
  • Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Banner Tag
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Runner Up list name Email
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- HM list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Dr. Dre, Los Angeles, CA -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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