June 29, 2001
The Top 15 Signs You'll Never Get
a Star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame
- Your only claim to fame ended when you found out that guy in the motel room wasn't really a director, but just a pizza delivery guy with a gold tooth, a camcorder, and a goat.
- Your network vice-pres-- oh, I'm sorry... I'm not eligible for this one. I already HAVE a star.
- Your greatest achievement to date? Twenty-seven arrests for public urination with no convictions. Oh, yeah... and Internet humor list contributor.
- Appearances on 7-Eleven security cameras do not count as face time.
- The committee frankly doesn't care about your record-setting wait in line for Episode 1.
- The last time you were that close to wet cement, it involved "Tony the Fish" and the Hudson River.
- You've already been given a gold star each time you completed the 28-day treatment program, Mr. Downey.
- In your last 87 roles, you've never been off of your knees.
- Sure, Hollywood loves double-D breasts -- on a female.
- "Starring role in a George Lucas movie" looks great on your resume, but the industry is oddly bereft of "Howard the Duck" nostalgia.
- Your agent pitches you to studios as "the thinking man's Carrot Top."
- Your one starring role was in a snuff film... and you couldn't even get *that* right, dammit!!!
- That Ebert guy can't say your name without giggling.
- You give your heart and soul to the industry, and all they ever talk about is "Vanna, Vanna, Vanna."
and the Number 1 Sign You'll Never Get a Star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame...
- Dude, where's my star?
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 153 submissions from 62 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Dan Johnson, Champlin, MN -- 1 (4th #1) Website
- Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA -- 2 Email
- Jim Griffith, Sunnyvale, CA -- 3
- Andy Ihnatko, Boston, MA -- 4
- Christopher Troise, New York, NY -- 5 Email
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 6 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Laurie Northrup, Syracuse, NY -- 7, 15 Website
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 8 Email
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 9 Hall of Famer
- Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 10
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 10 Email
- Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 11 Email
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 12, Honorable Mention list name Email / Website
- Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 13
- Pat Sajak, Los Angeles, CA -- 14
- Pamela Hahn, Celina, OH -- Topic
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- Runner Up list name Email
- Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA -- List moderator
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Guess Who, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada -- Ambience (explanation)
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