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TopFive.com
Bottled at the source
July 6, 2000


~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~

Tobacco behemoth Philip-Morris recently announced
that it is acquiring food monstrosity Nabisco.
"Hmmm..." TopFive wondered aloud, "What
new products can we expect to see now?"


The Top 15 New Products from Philip Morris/Nabisco


    1. "ElfMakers" Growth-Stunting Tobacco Snacks for Youngsters

    2. Nutter Lung-Butters

    3. Cig Newtons

    4. "Dips Ahoy!" Chewing Tobacco

    5. Gummi Lungs

    6. Mallotars -- Now chewier with 30% more tar!

    7. The $100,000 Limited Liability No Recourse Bar

    8. Uneeda Tracheotomy Biscuits

    9. Barnum's Laboratory Animal Crackers

    10. Lungs 'R' Doomed Shortbreath Cookies

    11. Hackwell's Cookies

    12. Killa Wafers

    13. Marlboro Man Salty Nuts

    14. Chemo-Wheat Hot Cereal

      and the Number 1 New Product from Philip Morris/Nabisco...

    15. Planter's 6-Feet-Under Party Mix

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!



Selected from 134 submissions from 49 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 1, 11 (32nd #1) Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 2 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX -- 3
  • Rob Wolf, Seattle, WA -- 4 Email
  • Rachel Blubaugh, Lewisville, TX -- 5, 8 Email / Website
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 5, 8
  • Scott Sistek, Seattle, WA -- 5, 12 Email
  • Lisa Lavoie, Waltham, MA -- 5 Email
  • Sam Evans, Charleston, SC -- 6 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 7 Email / Website
  • Chris Irby, Dallas, TX -- 7
  • Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 9 Website
  • Ann Rosenfeld, Austin, TX -- 10
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 10 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 13 Hall of Famer
  • Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 13 Email / Website
  • Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 13 Email
  • John Gephart IV, Harrisburg, PA -- 14, Runner Up list name Email / Website
  • Chris Gleason, Gaithersburg, MD -- 15
  • Mike Moore, Wichita Falls, TX -- Topic
  • Lori Carmona, Manassas, VA -- Banner tag
  • Kevin Freels, Burbank, CA -- Honorable Mention list name Email / Website
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Taco, whereabouts unknown -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb
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