File in Humor section
July 6, 1999
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Today's list is a Top5 Classic,
originally published on July 24, 1996.
This particular list is one of our most forwarded/copied/stolen.
The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers
- Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
- Fetch command not available on all platforms.
- Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
- Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
- Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
- Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
- Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
- Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
- Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
- Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.
- Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
- Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
- 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
- Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
- SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
- SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
- Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manuever.
- Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.
- Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.
and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Don't Use Computers...
- TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,.
There are no Runners Up submissions for this list.
Selected from 140 submissions from 47 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA -- 1 Hall of Famer (5th #1)
- Sterling Smith, Houston, TX -- 1 (3rd #1)
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD -- 2, 14 Hall of Famer
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 3, 11
- Rob Winchell, Arlington, MA -- 4, 12
- Lisa Stepaniak & gang, Dearborn, MI -- 5, 20 (Rookies!)
- Lee Oeth, San Diego, CA -- 6, 20
- Matt Diamond, Holland, PA -- 6, 17
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA -- 7, 9
- Marc Cukier, Toronto, Canada -- 8
- Vickie Neilson, Carlsbad, CA -- 9
- Boyd Johnson, San Diego, CA -- 9
- Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA -- 9
- David Hyatt, New York, NY -- 10
- Jim Louderback, New York, NY -- 11 Hall of Famer
- Paul Lara, Temple, TX -- 13
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN -- 15 Hall of Famer
- Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA -- 16
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA -- 17
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 17
- Randy Wohl, Ma'ale Adumim, Israel -- 17, 18
- Chris McKenna, Malibu, CA -- 17
- Greg Pettit, Houston, TX -- 17, 20
- Ken Shinodo, Bend, OR -- 19
- Chris White, NY, NY -- Listmeister
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