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TopFive.com
L. Ron Hubbard went to the cupboard...
August 14, 2001


~~~ NOTE FROM GUS: ~~~

The "Church" of Scientology has a new album entitled
"The Joy of Creating," with songs performed by
musicians such as Isaac Hayes, Chick Corea, Doug E. Fresh
and Edgar Winter and written by Scientology founder/
adventurer/philosopher/writer/singer/humanitarian/artist/
educator/horticulturist/blahblahblah L. Ron Hubbard.

Now we here at TopFive are sure that Scientologists are all
fine, upstanding citizens of the world who never take advantage
of anyone, including my uncle who mysteriously lost all of
his money (as well as his mind) after joining the "church."

Furthermore, we seriously doubt that the organization
goes around suing everyone who disagrees with them,
scaring even the largest cowardly media conglomerates
out of their wits -- because that wouldn't be nice, and
Scientologists are such [*cough* *cough*] nice people.

As you can see, TopFive would rather not take a definite
(i.e., legally risky) stand on the controversy surrounding
Scientology, preferring to let our humor speak for itself.

Did we mention what nice people those Scientologists are?


The Top 14 Songs on the Scientology Album


    1. Still Crazy After All These Years

    2. Losing My Religion's Tax-Exempt Status

    3. Smells Like Ron's Spirit

    4. Da Do L. Ron Ron

    5. Pretty Fly for a Dead Guy

    6. Comfortably Dumb

    7. You Can Call Me L.

    8. Clear Prudence

    9. Audit Young Dudes

    10. Once, Twice, Three Times a Theten

    11. anything by The Charlatans or The Cult

    12. A Ploy Named Sue

    13. Blinded Me With Pseudoscience

      and the Number 1 Song on the Scientology Album...

    14. Sgt. Hubbard's Gullible Nuts Cult Band

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!



Selected from 103 submissions from 39 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Steve Stifler, East Great Falls, MI -- 1, Topic (2nd #1)
  • Benjamin Braddock, Berkeley, CA -- 1 (4th #1)
  • Upton O'Connor, Pompano Beach, FL -- 2, 4
  • Ernesto Guevara, Rosario, Argentina -- 2
  • Joseph Sudbury, Schoolville, CA -- 3
  • John Osbourne, Birmingham, England -- 3
  • Chester Smithee, Anytown, USA -- 4, 13 Hall of Famer
  • "Bubba" in Harlem, New York, NY -- 4 Hall of Famer
  • Pee Wee Morris, Porkys, FL -- 5
  • Shark Reynolds, Miami, FL -- 6, 11, HM name Hall of Famer
  • Margaret Paramount, Enterer, NH -- 7
  • Donald O'Rosie, Greenwich, CT -- 8, 12
  • Pappas Itos, Houston, TX -- 9, 11
  • Chuy de los Margaritas, Austin, TX -- 10
  • Jonathan Archer, Battle Creek, MI -- 11
  • Larry Fine, Hollister, CA -- 11 Hall of Famer
  • Xandra Calyx, Arlington, VA -- 11
  • Mick Taylor, Atlanta, GA -- 11
  • F.F. Lotus, Chicago, IL -- 11
  • Beverly Bevan, Worcester, MA -- 11
  • Martin Hybla, Bredeck Valley, WA -- 11
  • Leon Phelps, Chicago, IL -- 13 Hall of Famer
  • Jimmy David, Las Vegas, NV -- 14 Hall of Famer
  • The Gang at ClubTop5 -- Topic
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner, RU name, List Moderator
  • Gus Mahler, Brooklyn, NY -- List owner/editor
  • Bad Religion, Los Angeles, CA -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb
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