August 31, 2001
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
A recent survey listed the top "party schools"
among the nation's colleges. The top 5 were:
- University of Colorado
- Florida State
- University of California at Santa Cruz
- Louisiana State University
- University of Tennessee
"But Chris," you ask, "How can I tell
if *my* college is a party school?"
The Top 15 Signs You're Attending a Party School
- Only three people show up for the 9:00 am Biology class -- and they all bring Scotch.
- The med school just won Nobel Prize for discovering a hangover cure.
- Bookstore's most popular item? The Double XXX: a porn video and 3 tabs of Ecstasy.
- Crowds at football games are entertained by the sideline antics of the mascot in a giant foam-rubber Charlie Sheen costume.
- You can redeem Mardi Gras beads for classroom credit.
- Calculus final exam problem begins with: "One hundred bottles of beer on the wall..."
- Tuition: $3,250; Books: $510; Bail: $17,900
- Your school's Alcohol Awareness Counselor: Bud Miller.
- You can work your way off Academic Probation by chugging a sixer of Meister Brau in front of the Dean.
- All of the triple-beam scales have been liberated from the Chemistry lab.
- You're chosen as commencement speaker at your own graduation because you can recite the entire Greek alphabet in one burp.
- Jell-O shots are half price during Sunday morning chapel services.
- Question 4 on the Admissions application: "You're not a cop, are you?"
- Someone seems to have taken the alcohol used to preserve the lab's deformed calf fetus.
and the Number 1 Sign You're Attending a Party School...
- Bill Clinton gave the commencement address last June -- and hasn't left yet.
Check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 163 submissions from 59 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 1 (20th #1) Email / Hall of Famer
- Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE -- 2, 10
- Andy Ihnatko, Boston, MA -- 3, 12
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 4 Email / Website
- Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 5, Honorable Mention list name Email
- Jaime McCarley, Houston, TX -- 6 Email
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 7 Hall of Famer
- Joe DiPietro, Brooklyn, NY -- 8 Email / Website
- Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA -- 9, Runner Up list name Email / Website
- Eric Lipton, Washington, DC -- 11
- Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA -- 13 Email / Website
- Pat McCarley, Missouri City, TX -- 14
- Peter Rogers, Austin, TX -- 15
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA -- Topic Email / Hall of Famer
- Kristopher Kettner, Chicago, IL -- Banner Tag Email / Website
- Jody LaFerriere, Leominster, MA -- Banner Tag Website
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- UC Santa Cruz Marching Band -- Ambience (explanation)
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