September 10, 2003
The Top 16 Signs Your Wedding Day Isn't Going Well
(Part II)
- The ceremony is spoiled by the insistent beeping from the bride's ankle cuff.
- You're forced to exchange vows from separate rooms because of that week-old restraining order.
- The bride's father gets his feelings hurt when her pimp insists on giving her away.
- Even though he's sitting in the front row, you still don't remember the Grim Reaper being on the guest list.
- At the end of the ceremony, Reverend Jones proposes a Kool-Aid toast.
- Your bride enthusiastically shouts, "I do!" Unfortunately, it's when the priest asks if anyone objects to the marriage.
- The ceremony starts in 20 minutes and you're still fighting over who gets to wear the dress.
- "Do you take this man, Scott Peterson, to be your...."
- When the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy crew shows up to help plan the upcoming honeymoon, your fiance becomes alarmingly smitten with Carson the fashion savant.
- "Something blue" is Grandma. Better call 911.
- After greeting your bride by name, the honeymoon hotel clerk asks if she wants the room for the whole night this time.
- Something old? Check.
Something new? Check.
Something borrowed? Check.
Something blew? Chuck, the best man.
- You spot Ron Jeremy sitting on the bride's side of the church.
- The groom refuses to put on the ring on your finger, saying, "Not the Preciousssss!"
- Saying your vows extemporaneously was going great until you drew a blank on a rhyme for "clitoris."
and the Number 1 Sign Your Wedding Day Isn't Going Well...
- You can't seem to find your tuxedo pants. But even if you could, the wedding is in Nebraska and you're handcuffed to a dominatrix in Singapore.
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Selected from 721 submissions from 368 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Michelle Hochstetler, Hillsboro, OR -- 1 (Woohoo!)
- Shawn McWhorter, St Paul, MN -- 1 (Woohoo!)
- Chris Warner, San Anselmo, CA -- 1 (Woohoo!)
- Gordon Sherman, Camp Slayer, Iraq -- 2
- Bryan Wendeln, Raleigh, NC -- 2
- Richard Koppinger, Ocean Grove, NJ -- 3
- John Wegge, Rochester, MN -- 3
- Matt Maynard, Orange Park, FL -- 4
- Bruce Allyn, Hopkins, MN -- 5
- Gordy Ferguson, Tacoma, WA -- 6
- Simon Richardson, Sydney, Australia -- 7
- Donny Mindarel, Eagle Lake, TX -- 7
- Steve Doss, Port Jervis, NY -- 8
- Tom Frizelle, Rochester, NY -- 9
- George Eliou, Flushing, NY -- 9
- Carla D. Eldridge, Chicago, IL -- 10
- Edward Hyer, Baltimore, MD -- 10
- Mike Klauss, Richmond Heights, OH -- 10
- Roger Ribbke, Reddick, IL -- 11
- Pat Hutchins, Seattle, WA -- 12
- Mark Dunn, Rochester, NY -- 12
- Amber Bricker, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 13
- Erik Gilreath, Jenison, MI -- 13
- Matthew Delaney, Albany, NY -- 13
- Curt Cronshaw, Dollard, PQ, Canada -- 14
- Tim "Gonzo" Gordon, Salem, OR -- 15
- Mark D. Mills, Louisville, KY -- 16
- Ryan Kenny, San Jose, CA -- 16
- Carolyn Rosser, Washington, DC -- Topic
- Warren Zevon, Chicago, IL -- Banner Tag
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- RU/NM list names
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Tammy Wynette, Itawamba County, MS -- Ambience (explanation)
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