15. Sure, it has four-wheel drive -- but only one wheel at a time.

14. Gas mileage is so bad you've hired a military refueling plane to taxi behind you.

13. Close inspection reveals it to be four Yugos duct-taped together.

12. Unbeknownst to you, the rear window taillight displays your *actual* penis length.

11. Cheap piece of junk! The HondaPlow fell off the front after battering just a few Civics out of your way in the supermarket parking lot.

10. Fourteen cup holders, zero seats.

9. Proving the test drive was no fluke, you get pinned under it again during the drive home.

8. The free monkey the dealer tossed in to "sweeten the deal" has a wet, hacking cough.

7. Friends keep referring to it as your "Lincoln Masturbator."

6. Previous owner had three daughters, and your repeated cleanings fail to get the boy-band stench out of the radio.

5. Your every attempt to back out of your driveway ends in Jerry-Bruckheimer-film fiery mayhem.

4. The ozone hole following your vehicle around is a disappointing 500 yards wide.

3. Dealer replaces unsafe Firestone tires with "organic" Flintstone tires.

2. Hit the turn signal too hard and it rolls over faster than an Enrique Iglesias groupie.

   and the Number 1 Sign You Bought a Bad SUV...

1. Al Cowlings included as standard equipment.

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