15. "Hey, no fair! He lost the coin toss! He has to do a shot!"

14. Throughout the entire three-hour broadcast, he refers to the visiting team as "the f***ing Yankees."

13. Notes that Tiger Woods sliced the ball using his "designated driver."

12. "In this situation, I'd send everybody deep except the tight end -- him, I'd send over to the liquor store to grab me another fifth. But that's probably just the Jack Daniel's talking."

11. "Hey, Madden, that offensive lineman has even bigger breasts than you!"

10. Keeps informing viewers that Randy Johnson isn't the only "Big Unit" in the ballpark today.

9. Converses on-air with Howard Cosell, whose voice he supplies himself with his fist and thumb, Senor Wences-style.

8. "And he drops the ball! What a friggin' a-hole!"

7. "And now coming to the plate, it's Andreas Gallara... allgres.. Gallareg... Garellaga... ahh screw it. Hey vendor, another beer!"

6. Breaks out his little paper parasols during a rain delay.

5. Announces, "It's been damn hot in this booth for 12 innings, so I've removed my pants!"

4. Suddenly, everyone who touches the puck is named "Gordie."

3. "In a play sure to deceive the defense, Brett Favre is lined up behind both centers."

2. "I think athletes who wear flashy clothes and jewelry and run their big mouths all the time are nothing but ignorant, lowlife punks. What do *you* think, Deion?"

   and the Number 1 Sign a Sports Announcer is Drunk...

1. "I don't know about you, Bob, but I'd love to see Jeff Garcia run that same play naked."

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