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Let sit two hours before reading.
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September 29, 2003
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
A chain of strip clubs in Windsor, Ontario and Detroit,
Michigan is offering to pay tuition for co-eds who work as
strippers -- as long as they maintain B-or-above averages.
Saying it makes for "happier young ladies," the company
will pay $1,500 to $2,000 in educational expenses per year
to women or men who work in its clubs. The money is
on top of the $10 an hour that dancers are paid and
the cash they get from tips and private dances.
"But Chris," you ask, "How do I know if I'm taking
a class with a stripper?" GREAT question!
The Top 15 Signs Your Classmate Is a Stripper
- Her grades aren't the only things that appear to have been inflated.
- Psychs herself up for tests with quiet self-affirmations of "I'm good enough... I'm smart enough..." -- in gym class.
- You: Studying for bar exam.
Her: Studying for pole exam.
- When it's time to pass out tests, he motions the professor to tuck it into his underwear.
- In econ class, she's always willing to show her recession-proof models.
- She asks if you want to buy her a $15 pencil.
- Turns in a thesis titled "A Study in Microeconomics: Japanese Businessmen Are Sick Bastards, but Tip Huge."
- A lot of classmates stagger into 8 a.m. classes reeking of booze and cigarettes, but he doesn't belong to a fraternity.
- Each time you lean sideways to whisper a humorously flirtatious comment to her during class, a jealous Ben Affleck smacks your head from the row behind and asks, "How many Oscars have *you* won, tough guy?"
- She just did something with a No. 2 pencil that you never dreamt possible.
- She gets an A on her midterm, even though it's the professor who did the cramming last night.
- Her graduation cap has two tassels, and she can make them rotate in opposite directions.
- She *always* has change for a twenty.
- When you ask to see her notes from last week's class, she replies, "Only in the VIP room, buster."
and the Number 1 Sign Your Classmate Is a Stripper...
- It takes her three songs to change for gym class.
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Selected from 93 submissions from 32 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Chun Ho, Honolulu, HI -- 1 (7th #1)
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 2
- Brian Berry, Napoleon, OH -- 3, 11 Email
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 4, 5, RU list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 6 Email
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 7, HM list name
- Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL -- 8 Email
- Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI -- 8
- Chris Urich, Poughkeepsie, NY -- 9
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 10 Email / Hall of Famer
- Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA -- 12 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 12 Email / Website
- Peg Warner, Exeter, NH -- 12 Email / Website
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 12
- Steven Wilber, Pomeroy, WA -- 13 Email
- Joe Desiderio, New York, NY -- 14
- Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 15
- Danny Newton, Little Rock, AR -- Topic
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Folk Implosion, Amherst, MA -- Ambience (explanation)
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