October 23, 2002
The Top 15 Reasons Married People
Are Happier than Single People
- You always know who's going to turn down your requests for sex.
- Single men often face the stressful diplomatic necessity of post-coital conversation.
- The "in sickness and in health" clause includes her cleaning up the bathroom after a night of your binge drinking.
- You rediscover the teenage thrill of possibly getting caught masturbating.
- Aimless angst replaced by focused misery.
- There's someone required by law to listen to you tell the story about that time you were arrested in Mexico every time you feel like telling it.
- No more having to shave your back to get laid.
- Mom's guilt-inducing lectures about not producing grandchildren are much more bearable than Mom's guilt-inducing lectures about screwing strangers at biker bars.
- It's neither fun nor satisfying yelling at *yourself* for buying the wrong kind of friggin' fish sticks.
- Finally! A companion you can trust to help hack up the bodies.
- Your parents can move on to complaining about all the *other* ways in which you aren't living up to their expectations.
- "Oprah" is just that much better when you have someone to share it with.
- Half off admission at swingers' clubs.
- In exchange for sex once a month, the wife gets a spider killer on call, 24/7.
and the Number 1 Reason Married People Are Happier than Single People...
- Relieved of the daily pressures of maintaining good hygiene, you have much more time for watching television.
Join ClubTop5 to check out the
runner up submissions for this list.
Selected from 102 submissions from 39 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Ann Bartow, Bartow, FL -- 1 (17th #1) Hall of Famer
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 2 Email / Hall of Famer
- Fred Hesby, Portland, OR -- 3, 8 Email / Website
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 4, HM list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Peter Rogers, Austin, TX -- 5, 6
- Curtis Matthews, Kennesaw, GA -- 7 Email
- Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL -- 9 Email
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 10 Hall of Famer
- Whit Watson, West Hartford, CT -- 11
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- 12
- Rex Meredith, Palm Springs, CA -- 12
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 13 Email / Hall of Famer
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 14, RU list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 15
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- Topic
- Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY -- Banner Tag Email / Website
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- The Specials, Coventry, England -- Ambience (explanation)
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