13. Making football picks based on observations that teams with "winter" colors always defeat teams with "summer" colors.

12. Ability to distinguish a Giorgio from a Donna Karan at forty paces.

11. Book-learnin'.

10. The skill required to explain, in excruciating detail and at great length, exactly why that nice but unemployed guy Robert who used to date her sister Alice is wrong for her former college roommate Jalene, even though there's some mutual attraction.

9. Hair-trigger gag reflex.

8. Finally determining how to permanently get off Victoria's Secret's catalog mailing list.

7. Ability to talk to animals -- but only animals that also insist you rent "The Story of Us."

6. Ability to competently oversee the entire U.S. Department of Justice.

5. Being able to insert jokes about the United Nations and Ted Koppel's hair while commenting on football plays.

4. Skill in putting the words "you", "wrong" and "are" together in a single sentence.

3. That uncanny Celine Dion impersonation.

2. Sucking the paint off a picket fence through a chrome hubcap.

   and the Number 1 Least Useful Skill for Impressing Men...

1. Acting like a whore in the kitchen and Betty Crocker in bed.

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