16. "Hell, I remember when we only had 500 channels of mind-numbing crap to watch!"

15. "You call that *dancing*? Shoot! Tell your grandma to bring that 'Macarena' CD over here and I'll show you some REAL dancing."

14. "Stop laughing! Canada really used to be a separate country!"

13. "When I was your age, we didn't have surgically implanted telepathy microchips! When we wanted to talk to our friends, we had to use a CELL PHONE!"

12. "Senility, my ass! I'm telling you President Hasselhoff used to have a talking car!"

11. "When I was your age, we didn't admire the grace and beauty of a tuna swimming in some aquarium tank! No, sirree. We *ate* the bastards -- right out of the can!"

10. "In my day, Ozzy was scary and Anna Nicole was sexy."

9. "Back in the day, we couldn't get sex whenever we wanted from perfectly lifelike robots. 'The day' sucked, to be honest."

8. "When I was your age, we could only pee in one color -- and that was plenty!"

7. "We didn't have rap music. If someone talked while the music was playing, we beat the snot out of 'em."

6. "You kids today will never know the warm feeling a fully soaked adult undergarment will give you."

5. "When I was your age, there wasn't any Internet. I had to walk barefoot in the snow to the Quicky Mart and sneak my porn home in brown paper bags the way God intended."

4. "Your generation doesn't understand the importance of supporting your president. Just you wait and see, President Bush will get that bastard Saddam Hussein even if her father and grandfather couldn't."

3. "Did I ever tell you about the time I got my pole waxed in the Oval Office, Bill Jr.?"

2. "You kids have it so easy today! I made the trip every day. 10 miles, uphill, in the snow -- in an old-fashioned 2004 Lincoln Navigator."

   and the Number 1 Future Quote from Grandparents...

1. "Aliens from another galaxy -- big deal! When I was young, we had Michael Jackson!"

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