November 9, 2000
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
In case any of our foreign readers aren't aware
of what's happening in the U.S.A. today, we're all
holding our breath while the state of Florida
recounts its ballots so we'll know which lesser
evil will be our leader for the next four years.
So what's taking Florida so long? Glad you asked...
The Top 15 Florida Excuses for Holding Up the Election
- Dangerous Metamucil shortage caused by misunderstood TV reports of "many irregularities in Florida."
- Booths in Cuba stay open until Fidel says it's time to close.
- "Help! I've voted and I can't get up!"
- "Give us 'Golden Girls: The Movie', and you'll get your damn President!"
- "Aaaaaiiiieeeeeeee! There are 'gators in the ballot box!!!"
- Still waiting for Elian's absentee ballot to be "rescued" from Donato's closet.
- Jeb Bush can't decide whether to help his brother or pay him back for a lifetime of noogies.
- Payback for all those jokes about being "America's penis."
- Jimmy Johnson hair fumes *still* addling voters.
- Easy Bush victory disrupted by unfortunate large number of easily-understood ballots.
- Gore voters "confused" by ballot design need time to prepare snappy answers to the question, "And you accused BUSH of being stupid?!?"
- "Que?"
- Waiting for Walt's head to thaw so he can cast the deciding vote.
- Ballot inspectors are all stuck behind blue-haired drivers going 20 MPH in the wrong lane with a turn signal constantly on.
and the Number 1 Florida Excuse for Holding Up the Election...
- "Hush up, now! Matlock's on!!"
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 133 submissions from 47 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Chris Irby, Dallas, TX -- 1, 11 (6th #1)
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 1 (12th #1)
- Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 1 (7th #1) Website
- Tom Louderback, Boston, MA -- 1 (2nd #1) Email
- Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI -- 2, 9
- Lisa Lavoie, Waltham, MA -- 2, 11 Email
- Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA -- 2, 15 Hall of Famer
- Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 2
- Mitch Berg, Saint Paul, MN -- 2 Email / Website
- Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA -- 2 Email
- Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC -- 2 Email
- Julie Kozaczka Stahlhut, Kalamazoo, MI -- 2 Email / Website
- Rob Wolf, Seattle, WA -- 2 Email
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 3 Email
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 4 Hall of Famer
- Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 5 Email
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 6, 12, RU list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 7 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 8 Email
- Ann Bartow, Bartow, FL -- 9
- Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 9
- Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ -- 9
- Curt Cutting, Santa Monica, CA -- 10
- Jim Griffith, Sunnyvale, CA -- 10, Banner Tag
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 11 Email
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD -- 13 Email / Hall of Famer
- Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia -- 14
- Craig Stacey, Romeoville, IL -- Topic Email / Website
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- Honorable Mention list name Email / Website
- Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Ella Fitzgerald, Newport News, VA -- Ambience (explanation)
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