November 15, 2000
The Top 16 Differences if the Election Were Run by Dogs
- Vote tabulation has to be restarted every time someone spots a squirrel.
- Lots of growling whenever someone mentions that Gore is a vet.
- Although not on the ballot, Perot still lands 100% of "yappy little dog vote."
- "What's that, Lassie? You say Grandpa Tim might have accidentally voted for Buchanan? Good catch, girl!"
- Debates preceded by a few minutes sniffing Jim Lehrer's ass.
- Entire election thrown into chaos when it's alleged that thousands of voters *appeared* to throw ballots into box but actually just hid them behind their backs.
- Voters even more easily distracted by butterfly ballots.
- Before the hand recount, Ralph Nader caught rubbing bacon grease next to his name on all the ballots.
- Spaying and neutering drastically reduces number of pregnant chads.
- "Exit Polling" just a fancy name for butt sniffing.
- In Pit Bull County, hand counts are taken literally.
- "Mr. Candidate, please respond to the question: Do you wanna go to the park? Huh? Huh? Wanna catch the ball?"
- No difference at all: Either way, you end up with a steaming pile of democracy!
- Looking for an edge, Al Gore changes his name to Al Po.
- "And if you elect me president, I promise to execute Mariah Carey."
and the Number 1 Difference if the Election Were Run by Dogs...
- Palm Beach ballots confusing? Time to put grandma to sleep.
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 160 submissions from 59 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Brian M. Klesc, Joliet, IL -- 1 (Woohoo! 1st #1!)
- Chris Walker, Calimesa, CA -- 2 Email / Website
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 2 Email
- Lisa Lavoie, Waltham, MA -- 3 Email
- Craig Stacey, Romeoville, IL -- 4 Email / Website
- Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI -- 5
- Tom Bestor, Oakland, CA -- 6 Email
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 7 Email
- Eric Lipton, Washington, DC -- 8
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 9, 16 Email
- Larry Baum, Hong Kong -- 10 Email
- Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA -- 10, Honorable Mention list name Email / Website
- Andy Ihnatko, Boston, MA -- 11
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 12 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 12 Email / Website
- Peg Warner, Exeter, NH -- 13 Email
- Rachel Blubaugh, Lewisville, TX -- 14 Email / Website
- Carla Brandon, San Diego, CA -- 15 Email
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 16 Email
- Mitch Berg, Saint Paul, MN -- Topic Email / Website
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- Banner Tag Email / Hall of Famer
- Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX -- Runner Up list name
- Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Baha Men, Bahamas -- Ambience (explanation)
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