November 17, 2003
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
According to a recent study, people
can get sex education by watching TV.
The Top 15 Signs Your Partner
Learned About Sex by Watching TV
- Lovemaking lasts exactly 30 minutes and includes eight minutes of telling you what's on her Christmas list.
- Every every time you remove your pants, you hear that damned laugh-track.
- He tries to kiss you on the mouth first thing in the morning.
- The promised "wacky hijinks" when you get back to her place are, in fact, just wacky hijinks.
- Tries to get you in the mood by whispering, "Tonight, on a very special 'Pecker'...."
- Always gives a wide-eyed "Well, gollllyyy!" when you take off your bra and a "SHAZAM!" for the panties.
- Every time you take a break, he sleeps with the Dell intern.
- He won't finish until you say "It's a good thing" while arranging a doily on his chest.
- To liven things up a bit, he brings in his cousin Oliver for a threesome.
- Shouts "D'OH!!" every time he ejaculates prematurely.
- She always wants you to guess which room she's lying naked in, but if you pick the wrong door, you're stuck with a farm animal.
- The mirror on the ceiling has a network logo in the bottom right corner.
- He narrates his every move with a fake Australian accent: "Crikey! Now, this position is *really* dangerous...."
- "It's not an affair, honey, it's a spin-off."
and the Number 1 Sign Your Partner Learned About Sex by Watching TV...
- Makes you wait until next week for the exciting climax.
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Selected from 103 submissions from 41 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA -- 1 (19th #1) Website / Hall of Famer
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL -- 2, 7 Hall of Famer
- Brandon Muller, Las Vegas, NV -- 3
- Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 4 Website
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 5, Banner Tag
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 6
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 7
- Mitch Berg, Saint Paul, MN -- 8 Website
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 9 Hall of Famer
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- 9
- Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 10 Hall of Famer
- Joseph Prisco, Ithaca, NY -- 10 Website
- Chun Ho, Honolulu, HI -- 11, 13
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 12
- Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL -- 14
- Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH -- 14
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC -- 15 Hall of Famer
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 15 Hall of Famer
- Dennis Eldridge, Bermuda -- Topic
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- RU list name Hall of Famer
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- HM list name
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Jello Biafra, San Francisco, CA -- Ambience (explanation)
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