15. No elections at all -- instead, Regis Philbin hosts "Who Wants to Be the Prince of Darkness?"

14. Always limited to two choices: A) Fire, B) Brimstone.

13. The results are held up until Strom Thurmond arrives to certify the re-count.

12. The powerful "Dead Supporters of Mayor Daley from Chicago" voting bloc is ineligible, since they've already voted in the earthly elections.

11. Results are always the same:
    49.9% Hitler
    49.9% Dr. Laura
    0.2% Carrot Top

10. Secretary of State in Hell? Still Katherine Harris!

9. The elderly evil souls can't figure which eye to poke out on the election official.

8. You'd think Satan would take your "Write-in Jesus!" gag campaign pin in the spirit it was intended, but the thousand rabid possums feeding upon your charred flesh would suggest otherwise.

7. Harder to get unbiased election results by radio with all the stations set to Limbaugh, 24/7.

6. It's hard to dupe the electorate when 86% are former politicians themselves.

5. Every candidate promises the same thing: Lower taxes, protect social security, more ice water.

4. Low voter turnout because the first Tuesday in November is also "Disembowel a Telemarketer Day."

3. Having to shovel snow after a Buchanan victory.

2. Who cares who wins? You're in Hell! There's still that little matter of eternal damnation.

   and the Number 1 Problem With Holding an Election in Hell...

1. Due to confusing ballot layout, many voters who intended to select "Beer and a Cheeseburger" mistakenly choose "Rectal Banjo Insertion."

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