16. "And now, a reading from the book of Greenspan, Chapter 11..."

15. "Hell, we've spent the next 3 years' payroll defending ourselves against all those sexual harassment suits you gals filed."

14. "We finally found a way to force 12-year-old girls in Malaysian sweatshops to do our middle management for us."

13. "We're moving to Mexico -- and you're not."

12. "Though performance has exceeded expectations, the Web Surfing 'n' Donut Eating Department has been deemed dispensable."

11. "The company just isn't ready for that kind of commitment and needs some space. We still want to be friends, though."

10. "Turns out we're just another front for Al Qaeda."

9. "Replacing you with a monkey would mean more efficiency, *and* less poo on the carpet."

8. "Remember last year's annual report, in which our CEO reported a sizable outlay of capital in the Jalalabad Hilton project...?"

7. "Miss Cleo says you gotta leave, you gotta leave."

6. "Adverse marketplace conditions necessitated a strategic resource reallocation to enable renewed focus on core competencies within key client segments, resulting in headcount rightsizing to hit shareholder-mandated returns. Yeah, that's the ticket!"

5. "Look at it this way -- you can see 'Harry Potter' every day this week if you want to."

4. "Please excuse Johnny for firing all those people. He's a greedy, cold-hearted son-of-a-bitch. Signed, Johnny's Mom."

3. "It's all about providing our customers a quality product, Mr. Scapego-- er, Wilson."

2. "You'll notice your co-workers who haven't been wasting their time with Internet humor lists still have *their* jobs."

   and the Number 1 Excuse Given for Corporate Layoffs...

1. "Look, it was either you or someone we like."

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