December 8, 2000
The Top 18 Complaints of Mrs. Santa Claus
- Every year it's the same: one month of overtime, eleven months of food stamps and ESPN.
- One little red elf-sock in the wrong hamper and you've got yourself a whole load of pink underwear.
- Thanks to Kid Rock and Joe C., the elves have all become tattoo-wearing, attitude-copping little monsters.
- The big guy's been despondent ever since the santatoyz.com IPO fell through.
- Two words: "Reindeer-Style"
- He can remember which of 2.4 billion kids have been naughty or nice... but does he remember to replace the roll of toilet paper when it runs out? Nooooooo.
- That whole "knows if you've been bad or good" thing makes it mighty hard to cheat at Yahtzee.
- That chubby little beret-wearing intern elf seems to be awfully smitten with Santa.
- One night a year to sneak out with the girlfriends, and all the bars are closed.
- Managing toy production, keeping elves in line, cleaning up after reindeer... Meanwhile fatboy sits around 364 days out of the year and gets all the glory. But all that will change now that I'm the Senator from New York!
- Elf farts.
- 365 days a year of freezing weather = 365 days of elf wisecracks about your "headlights" being on.
- That "The bag's all empty -- but Santa has a little something for you in his pants!" line got old about 250 years ago.
- He seeds you when you're sleeping.
- Mounting legal bills in "Gore v. Kringle" breach of promise lawsuit.
- For 364 days a year, everyone thinks you're just another Harley Mama.
- Ever tried getting squished-elf stains and reindeer poop out of red velvet pants?
and the Number 1 Complaint of Mrs. Santa Claus...
- That "bowl full of jelly" isn't so amusing when it's on top of you.
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 121 submissions from 43 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Ken Shinodo, Bend, OR -- 1 (11th #1)
- Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 2
- Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ -- 2
- Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 3, 6 Email
- Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 4 Website
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 5, 13, Honorable Mention list name Email / Website
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 7 Email
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 7, Topic Email
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 8
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 8 Hall of Famer
- Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 9, 10
- Eric Lipton, Washington, DC -- 9
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 11 Hall of Famer
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 12 Email
- Andy Ihnatko, Boston, MA -- 13
- Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 14 Email / Website
- Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA -- 15 Email
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 16
- Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI -- 17
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL -- 18 Hall of Famer
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- Runner Up list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- The Bobs, San Francisco, CA -- Ambience (explanation)
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