December 17, 2001
The Top 15 Things on Santa's To-Do List
- Virgin or not, time to move little Miss Britney to the "Naughty" list.
- Have the elves increase production on those cheesy Xbox knock-offs.
- Cancel wrapping paper order -- use those Enron stock certificates instead.
- Decide how to respond to Ashcroft's subpoena demanding information on what foreigners are naughty or nice.
- Administer nine little Breathalyzer tests.
- File a flight plan with the FAA -- wouldn't want an F-16 wasting the sleigh.
- Irradiate all those letters from children -- you can't be too careful!
- Remove candy canes from pants pockets during mall photo sessions -- getting tired of explaining things to the D.A.'s office.
- Write letter to self asking for threesome with Mrs. Claus and Heidi Klum.
- Finally shave the beard now that the Taliban has fallen.
- Attend weekly meeting at Nogaholics Anonymous.
- Touch up the urine-proof lamination job on the the thighs before heading to the mall.
- Visit reindeer stalls to load up on stocking stuffers for a certain Mr. bin Laden.
- Prepare a lump of coal with Winona Ryder's name on it.
and the Number 1 Thing on Santa's To-Do List...
- Write back to Susie Winfield of Peoria; ask her how on God's green earth she thinks a whole pony is going to fit down a friggin' chimney.
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 109 submissions from 41 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 1, 13 (Woohoo! 1st #1!)
- Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 2
- Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH -- 3, 5
- Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 4
- Curt Cutting, Santa Monica, CA -- 5
- Eric Lipton, Chicago, IL -- 6
- Rob Wolf, Seattle, WA -- 7, Runner Up list name Email
- Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX -- 8
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 9, 10, HM list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Patrick Major, Dallas, OR -- 10 Email
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 11, Banner Tag Email / Website
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 12 Hall of Famer
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 14 Hall of Famer
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 15 Email
- Joseph Prisco, Ithaca, NY -- 15 Website
- Chuck Sawyer, Rochester, NY -- Topic
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Bob Rivers, Seattle, WA -- Ambience (explanation)
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