December 17, 2003
The Top 18 Things on
Saddam Hussein's To-Do List
- Announce that I'm finally ready to comply with those pesky U.N. resolutions.
- Inform minister of information that yes, the United States has indeed captured the Baghdad airport.
- Add "2003 World Hide 'n' Seek Silver Medal Winner" to resume.
- Find out if Hallmark makes a "Sorry I Tortured and Slaughtered the Nation!" card.
- Call the Hell Hilton and book the Pol Pot suite.
- Offer to dedicate my life to helping O.J. find the real killers if they set me free.
- Start working on a shiv of mass destruction.
- Trade all-nude version of Iraqi card deck for some smokes.
- Stage food fight in cafeteria to distract guards, then walk out via front door.
- Eat map showing location of my secret cache of victory-parade balloons.
- Call Osama: Cancel "Trading Spaces" offer.
- Aha, Mr. Rubik, your cursed cube may have beaten me these past six months -- but now that I have ample time to focus on this task, the advantage is clearly mine!
- Award Halliburton a no-bid contract to shave my beard.
- Practice saying with a wacky accent: "Who sane! Who sane? Not me, baby!"
- Create a statue of myself out of soap.
- "Dear Forum: I never thought I'd be writing to you, but when the cover to my hiding place opened, I found myself staring into the most gorgeous blue eyes in camouflage I've ever seen...."
- Luxuriate in the cleanliness and roominess of my new prison cell.
and the Number 1 Thing on Saddam Hussein's To-Do List...
- Ask Bush family if they want to go best two out of three.
Join ClubTop5 to check out the
runner up submissions for this list.
Selected from 132 submissions from 41 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 1 (13th #1)
- Jennifer Ford, Fort Wayne, IN -- 2 Website
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 3, 7
- Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 4, 12 Website
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 5
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 6 Hall of Famer
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 8, 14, 15 (Hat Trick!) Hall of Famer
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 8, Banner Tag
- Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 9
- Danny Gallagher, Austin, TX -- 10, Runner Up list name
- Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA -- 11
- Fred Hesby, Portland, OR -- 13 Website
- Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA -- 15
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 16
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL -- 17 Hall of Famer
- Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL -- 18
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Topic
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- HM list name Hall of Famer
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Ratt, Los Angeles, CA -- Ambience (explanation)
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