December 19, 2000
The Top 18 Warning Labels on Toys
- G.I. JOE: "Warning: 'Action figure' is a euphemism for 'dolly'."
- EZ BAKE OVEN: "Light bulb heating unit is warm enough to melt crayons, but will not affect e-coli bacteria."
- POKEMON: "This toy will result in your first addiction. Cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, and heroin will inevitably follow."
- YAHTZEE!: "Game score accuracy not guaranteed in Florida."
- YO-YO: "Regardless of skill level, use of this product can never -- I repeat, *never* -- make you look cool."
- "MY SIZE" BARBIE: "Mattel not liable for incidents of doll coming to life, throwing you in its box, putting on *your* clothes, and seamlessly assuming your place in the family, only with more success than you ever had."
- BETSY WETSY: "For ages 3-7 only, you perv!"
- FURBY: "Warning to Parents: Gets annoying in like 5 minutes, and you face the risk of seeming soooo 1998."
- CLUE: "Hint to blondes: While we DO encourage you to buy our game, this is not what everybody meant."
- MAGIC 8-BALL: "Not intended for making important decisions, President Bush."
- LAVA LAMP: "Contains less than 2% incandescent magma from the Earth's mantle."
- RAZOR SCOOTER: "Will instantly render user indistinguishable from every other kid nationwide."
- BIG MOUTH BILLY BASS: "A singing fish -- what the hell were you thinking?"
- ETCH-A-SKETCH: "Caution: Product will almost certainly be used to draw a large, rectangular penis."
- PLAYSTATION 2: "Not intended as a parental substitute. May stunt social growth. Increased popularity among your peers is only temporary. Will not make you happy, even if your dad did pay $600 for it on Ebay. Note to parents: Sure, it's expensive, but think of all the money you'll save on college tuition."
- HACKY SACK: "For use by hippies and slackers only."
- JUNIOR ELECTRIC GUITAR: "Maybe get a blister on your little finger. Maybe get a blister on your thumb."
and the Number 1 Warning Label on a Toy...
- HARRY POTTER INVISIBILITY CAPE: "Invisibility not guaranteed for use in opposite-gender locker room or toilet facility."
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 114 submissions from 42 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 1 (5th #1)
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 2 Email
- Peter Rogers, Austin, TX -- 3, 5, 14
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 4, 10 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 4, 18, RU name Email / Hall of Famer
- Rachel Blubaugh, Lewisville, TX -- 4 Email / Website
- Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN -- 4
- Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 4 Email / Website
- Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 6 Website
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 7 Email
- Larry Baum, Hong Kong -- 8 Email
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 9, Banner Tag Email
- Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI -- 11
- Rob Wolf, Seattle, WA -- 11 Email
- Pam Pickard, North Canton, OH -- 12
- Andy Ihnatko, Boston, MA -- 13
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 15 Hall of Famer
- Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ -- 16
- Ann Bartow, Bartow, FL -- 17
- Pat McCarley, Missouri City, TX -- Topic
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- Honorable Mention list name Email
- Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Babes in Toyland, Minneapolis, MN -- Ambience (explanation)
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