16. Jim Carrey:
    
    "Playing the Grinch was not bad of me,
    He and I were a match that just had to be!
    But in my Christmas sack,
    There'll be one thing I lack --
    Roles like that don't excite the Academy."

15. Britney Spears:
    
    I'm just a cute Mouseketeer,
    in Spandex and skin-tight brassiere,
    Though I'm making top dollar,
    I'll certainly holler,
    If Santa forgets my new implants this year.

14. The First Dog:
    
    I waggingly try to be pleasant,
    To human and cat, fish and pheasant.
    So when Al told me twice,
    I took his advice,
    And I left Mr. Bush a big "present."

13. Cher:
    
    My Christmas is missing some glee,
    I'll decorate not a pine tree.
    I'm lacking of mirth
    'Cause every green fir
    Brings memories of my late Sonny.

12. Monica Lewinsky:
    
    For Christmas, I wanted to go
    Back to my old job, but you know,
    As an intern, I’m spent
    'Cause this new president
    Has a new definition of "blow."

11. Stephen King:
    
    Here in Maine, the long winters serene
    Turn to white everything that was green.
    But a Christmastime fest
    Just makes me depressed.
    How much longer till it's Halloween???

10. Joe Lieberman:
    
    There's still time to go to the store
    To get gifts for my buddy, Al Gore.
    Though just 5 days remain,
    If we count them again
    I'm sure that we'll turn up some more.

9. Christina Aguilera:
   
   Santa, I've been good for years,
   But Britney has zapped my career.
   So please bring me a song,
   Skimpy tops and a thong,
   And a pair of big hooters like Spears'.

8. Bill Clinton:
   
   The right gifts may spare me the pillory:
   
   Sturdy rope will prevent peccadillory.
   Add a good climbing shoe,
   And pretend you're K2 --
   I'll pretend that I'm Sir Edmund, Hillary.

7. Tom Green:
   
   There's no garland hung in the hall.
   My holiday spirit is small.
   The doc had me back,
   For a lump in my sack,
   So I'm left with but one Christmas ball.

6. Ron Howard:
   
   My Grinch movie's knocking 'em dead.
   Carrey's keeping my family well-fed.
   Getting just one more thing'll
   Delight me, Kris Kringle:
   
   A little more hair on my head!

5. Robert Downey, Jr.:
   
   Among those caught for murder and stealing.
   I'm a prisoner who is quite appealing.
   They say, "Robert, you're cute!
   And a movie star, to boot!
   Give *me* that Downey-fresh feeling!"

4. Charlie Sheen:
   
   It's the holiday season, I know,
   So after doing a few lines of "snow",
   I'll be sufficiently high
   To head downtown and buy
   My 3 favorite gifts: Ho, ho, ho.

3. Dennis Miller:
   
   Since my rhetoric often belittles,
   This Christmas I offer acquittals.
   I will pay more attention
   And eschew condescension
   Of what others' opinions... hey, Skittles!

2. George W. Bush:
   
   Executions are holiday fun,
   And you don't need a needle or gun.
   You just throw the switch
   On the son of a bitch --
   When his navel pops out, then he's done!

   and the Number 1 Holiday Limerick from a Celebrity...

1. Alec Baldwin:
   
   If Bush won, I swore that I'd leave.
   From that promise, there is no reprieve.
   Now I have to go,
   And guess what? Ho, ho, ho!
   Russell Crowe's here to help sweet Kim grieve.

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