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TopFive's Valentine's Cards for Ex-Valentines Page 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art in truth more like a Summer's Eve. For thou art such a tremendous douchebag. (Sandra Hull) Our marriage had its ups and downs, its triumphs and its stresses. What sent me packing, hubby, dear, were your panties and your dresses. (Dan Weckerly) Our marriage? Why, it's nearly cooked -- let's check it with a fork. I'll dump you as soon as I become the Senator from New York. (Larry Hollister) On this Valentine's Day, my dear ex-wife, be glad that I'm not an NFL star with a knife. (Bruce Ansley) We were in love and I was your missus, until I found out you prefer *manly* kisses. (Kathy Good) Roses are red, they come by the trainful. I hope your death is slow and painful. (David Scott) Despite the CD's that you stole from me, and the torrid affair with my friend, Yvonne, I'm feeling better about myself, 'cause your new girl looks like Celine Dion. (Dakota Shepard) Though you left me alone, I won't write, I won't phone; I'm reluctantly gonna move on. You should know, I suppose, I put your nude photos, at www.ellen.com. (Mark Levine) © Copyright 1994-2008.  All rights reserved. TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White. Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.