• Agent Hunt declines the mission, the tape self-destructs and the movie ends after five minutes.
  (David Kass, Queens, NY)

• Arch-villain's backstory reveals his mother once used prescription drugs to combat post-partum depression.
  (Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada)

• Because of a typo in the subliminal text messages, the Church of Shatnerology is inundated with new members.
  (Richard Skora, Columbus, OH)

• Biggest stunt of all involves jumping off Tom Cruise's swelled head.
  (Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA)

• Cameos by Roger Moore, Bruce Willis and Pierce Brosnan as the Executive Council who suggest that maybe it's time for Hunt to take more of an administrative role and leave the field work to younger agents.
  (Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)

• Closes with the official announcement that "M:I4" will start filming the second Dakota Fanning is legally old enough to replace Katie as the trophy wife.
  (Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL)

• Darth Vader is Tom Cruise's baby's father!
  (J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA)

• Due to either a surprise product placement deal or a wiseass in the computer graphics department, Ethan Hunt is chased by a Prozac truck.
  (Richard Skora, Columbus, OH)

• Ethan Hunt reaches OT6 and discovers that the Impossible Missions Force was created by a hack science fiction author!
  (David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA)

• Just in case we'd forgotten the magnitude of his acting prowess, Cruise effortlessly and convincingly morphs into a "likeable guy."
  (Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)

• Mission: Impossible.
  Acting: Improbable.
  Plot: Invisible.
  (Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX)

• The "impossible" mission: Remain seated on the couch through an entire episode of "Oprah."
  (Brian Daywalt, Wabash, IN)

• The Rhames and Fishburne characters overthrow IMF, renaming the agency "Intense MotherF**kers."
  (Whit Watson, Winter Park, FL)

• The audience's reaction? Exactly like a Scientology birth: absolute silence.
  (Bill Muse, Seattle, WA)
  (Stephen A. Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO)

• The impossible mission is to get Terrell Owens and Bill Parcels through one whole season without causing a Category 5 fireball!
  (Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL)

• Ving Rhames' character replaced by his shady cousin, "LeRon Hubbard."
  (Colleen Stelmaszek, Houston, TX)

• Runners Up list name
  (Donald Junter, New Haven, CT)

• "Good morning, Mr. Hunt." But it's really AFTERNOON!
  (Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA)

• "Your mission, Ethan, is to remain seated until the end of the movie after consuming this theater's Super Colossal Giant Soft Drink and free refill."
  (Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL)

• After two hours of breathtaking intrigue, it turns out the evil villain is Brooke Shields and her "weapon of mass destruction" is Xanax.
  (Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA)

• An extended dodging-bullets-by-jumping-on-the-couch scene.
  (Gideon Griebenow, Johannesburg, S. Africa)

• Ethan Hunt's character is awake for what seems like days -- and how do you do *that* without evil prescription meds, eh, Mr. Cruise??
  (Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)

• Ethan Hunt's impossible mission is to figure out why we kept this idiot on the job for four more years.
  (Chuck Sawyer, Rochester, NY)

• Ethan dies during opening credits and George W. Bush makes cameo debut vowing to "pursue these evildoers to the ends of my constitutional limits, whatever those are. Bwahahahah."
  (Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA)

• Ethan routinely eludes villains who are on lookout for agents tall enough to be adults.
  (Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA)

• Exciting from beginning to end, except for the 20 minutes in the middle of the film where the audience is asked to remain absolutely silent for the birth scene.
  (Mark Schmidt, Paris, France)

• IMF agent Hunt chides evil villain Matt Lauer, "You don't know anything about Barbara Bain!"
  (Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY)

• In a hokey subliminal message, the two new members of the IMF are named Cy and Tawla-G.
  (Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)

• In the final scene, Laurence Fishburne as Ike Turner and Jonathan Rhys Meyers as Elvis bust into an all out, show stopping version of "Viva Las Vegas."
  (Curtis Stoddard, Milwaukie, OR)

• Jessica Alba co-stars as Special Agent Lycra Bikini because, you know, it's been a couple months.
  (Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)

• Just when it looks like Owen Davian is going to conquer the world, he catches a lethal cold from tiny microbes native to the planet Earth.
  (David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA)

• Mission Impossible theme music played, in its entirety, on the clarinet.
  (Dave Juurlink, Toronto, Canada)

• Phillip Seymour Hoffman *almost* gets laid! No, really.
  (Chuck Sawyer, Rochester, NY)

• Phillip Seymour Hoffman? Waaaay straighter than Tom Cruise.
  (Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL)

• The impossible mission: to forget that you're watching a delusional freak.
  (Colleen Stelmaszek, Houston, TX)

• The scene where Agent Hunt rides his motorcycle up a ramp and over a tank filled with sharks.
  (Allan Rousselle, Redmond, WA)

• The villainous arms dealer only relents after Agent Felicity threatens to cut those sassy auburn locks!
  (Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)

• Tom Cruise's Macarena dance sequence seems out of place.
  (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA)

• Vague image in the background of a scene filmed last July of Tom Cruise's stunt double humping Katie Holmes. THAT explains everything.
  (Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA)

• Honorable Mentions list name
  (Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA)