• "Kitty" and "Mittens" get no response, but call "Mein Fuhrer", and the cat comes a-running.
  (R.M. Weiner, Somerville, MA)
  (Martell Stroup, Reno, NV)

• "Please don't call him a 'cat.' Everything goes much more smoothly if you address him as 'Commandant Snowball.'"
  (Josh Robertson, Bronx, NY)

• A big guy with a thick accent stops by with a special delivery for "the little furry guy."
  (Tisha Stacey, Lisle, IL)

• Ammo and biohazards stockpiled under the living room sofa.
  (Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA)
  (Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA)
  (Barbara Rush, Tulsa, OK)

• Begins strutting around in a blue turban -- just as Nostradamus predicted!
  (Josh Robertson, Bronx, NY)

• Copy of "Cat in the Green Beret" by General Seuss, stashed under his litter box.
  (Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX)

• Fashions a full-size F-14 out of the Fancy Feast.
  (Gayle Ehrenman, New York, NY)

• Forces pet stores to pre-install his Whiskers '95 software in all pet supplies sold.
  (David Kass, Queens, NY)

• Has begun wearing a leopard skin hat like the one Mobutu wore.
  (Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX)

• He looks *sooo* cute when he says "You'll be the first up against the wall when the revolution comes, man!"
  (LeMel Hebert-Williams, San Francisco, CA)

• He's in his casino again playing winner-take-all baccarat with that 007 cat.
  (David W. James, Los Angeles, CA)

• He's recently been seen marking his territory in the vital oil fields of the Middle East.
  (David Kass, Queens, NY)

• Hocked-up fur balls molded into emergency bomb shelter.
  (Peg Warner, Derry, NH)

• Inexplicably opened cat food containers suggest secret nocturnal can-opener training exercises.
  (Peg Warner, Derry, NH)

• Instead of doing the "Chow Chow Chow", now just marches around with a little gun slung over his shoulder.
  (Tisha Stacey, Lisle, IL)

• Instead of her usual nighttime caterwauling, now she just meows in even dots and dashes.
  (Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA)

• It's now the longest running show on Broadway and there are just so many touring companies and why else would anyone wear that getup!!!
  (Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA)

• Just ask the dog. Say, where IS that dog?
  (Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL)

• Just listen to "Peace Train" backwards. (Oops! That's a sign Cat Stevens is bent on world domination.)
  (John Voigt, Chicago, IL)

• Sits quietly, often napping at noon, plotting... plotting...
  (LeMel Hebert-Williams, San Francisco, CA)

• The neighbor's dog, your goldfish and the leaders of NATO are suddenly surprisingly deferential toward her.
  (George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO)

• This month's Visa bill includes charges for 1000 tins of tuna and guns from a remote Montana location.
  (Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC)

• Well, just LOOK at him! What *else* could he be doing with that smug look on his face?!?
  (Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA)

• You find a "to-do" list that says, "(1)Subdue dog. (2)Subdue human. (2A)Kill that lackey Meow Mix bastard. (3)Ditch "slave collar" for a little red bow tie. (4)Call Farrakhan.
  (Jennifer O. Gall, Los Angeles, CA)
  (Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA)

• You find a used bottle of hair coloring and a bound and gagged Socks in your closet.
  (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA)

• You happen upon his plans for acquiring mew-clear weapons.
  (Michael Migdol, Osaka, Japan)

• You intercept a coded message for Hiel Kitty c/o The Furred Reich.
  (Bill Muse, Seattle, WA)

• You return home one day to find the neighbor's dog strapped to the kitty litter box, about to be cleaved in half by an ingeniously fiendish device, but he manages to activate a button on his collar in the nick of time, narrowly evading death's cold grasp and then he barks at you in a manner which seems to convey a clever line of dry wit.
  (R.M. Weiner, Somerville, MA)

• You score 100% on the Cat Fancy magazine quiz "Does Your Cat Want to Rule the World?"
  (Bill Muse, Seattle, WA)

• You stumble across "The Uber-Kitty Manifesto" scratched into the back of your sofa.
  (Martell Stroup, Reno, NV)

• Your cat enjoys being fed live golfish while sitting on Ernst Blofeld's lap.
  (Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD)