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Intended for cleaning use only.
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March 10, 2008
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
The term "chick lit" describes contemporary fiction
written for and marketed to young women, especially
single, working women in their twenties and thirties.
"Chris, can you give us a few samples?"
Ask and ye shall receive...
The Top 16 Bad Passages From Chick Lit Novels
- "Elaine never expected to pick up Raoul at the bar. Still, the more she stared into his eyes, the more ready she was to jump into bed with him! If only she hadn't worn her 'granny panties.'"
- "Jenni felt so fat and bloated. When she could barely zip her size 0 pants, she knew there was a visit with Mr. Upchuck in her near future."
- "Trudie's problem wasn't so much with the fact that her boss was a conniving, back-stabbing pig, always quick with a misogynist put-down or cheesy come-on, but rather that she found herself torn between preserving her hard-won integrity and being one of the few women to witness first-hand what a 10-inch severed-then-reattached penis looked like."
- "She was having a bad men month. One dumped her because she mentioned her boss had it in for her. The next said he was fed up that she felt her hair dresser was out to get her. After that was Jim, who apparently disagreed with her theory that the government wanted her dead. But Todd... *he* was the worst. The jerk, who she secretly believed worked for the CIA, had the nerve to call her neurotic."
- "Steph's heart was full of regret. Her intuition told her perfection was impossible. Yet she'd lost everything when she picked the Patriots to cover."
- "Ron was unsure what to think. The way Vanessa turned down the top of her Hello Kitty bed sheets suggested a woman who is sensitive to her inner little girl. Yet the way she shredded the bottom of them like a kitten's scratchpad depicted a woman who Does. Not. Cut. Her. Toenails."
- "Monica watched the worker from her window and felt a warmness in the pit of her stomach -- a warmness which grew stronger as she ogled his rippling abs and glistening pecs while he shoveled the snow."
- "Lisa was bothered by the fact that her carpet didn't match her drapes -- until she met Veronica, who had no carpet whatsoever."
- "She loved his nickname for her: Twinkie. 'How yummy and luscious,' she thought. But joy turned to scorn when he revealed it was actually because he considered her spongy and full of gooey crap."
- "'This must be the apocalypse,' Simone lamented. Her Internet router went tits-up, knocking out all her e-mail, Internet and Vonage access -- just moments after Blackberry had taken itself offline for six hours for maintenance. Distraught, confused and lonely, Simone reached into her sock drawer to console herself with the only wireless hand-held device in her little universe that she could count on."
- "'Okay, so he's guilty. That was his bite mark on the dead girl's thigh -- the DNA and dental impressions proved it. He's a murderer,' Tiphanee reminded herself. 'But does that honestly matter? He's a devilishly handsome murderer. And we've all got one murder in us -- now his is out of the way. Besides, he winked at me. Not at every juror, just at me!'"
- "Denise knew it took two to tango, and that parfait spoon was her pervy Marlon Brando, drizzling her hot, yearning mouth with helpings of Peanut Butter Fudge Chunk Delight."
- "'Contro-o-o-ol freak!' thought Sylvia, rolling her eyes ever-so-slightly at the bushy-browed, proud-jawed specimen of manhood standing before her appraising gaze, the poor fellow showing no awareness of impending rejection as the trap door swung open beneath his feet and he joined Qusay and Uday on the unavailable list."
- "'The painting goes,' snapped Olivia, studying the dark-mustard wall intently. 'Let's try an antique mirror, or maybe a wicker fan!' After all, she'd been a professional designer for almost three years now, and what did a bunch of stuffy museum curators know about style?"
- "Miranda couldn't help but feel demeaned and unappreciated as she spent her days fetching coffee for office drones that always seemed to get the promotions and assignments that she felt should be hers. Yet she couldn't help but feel some of it was her own fault. After all, nobody had *forced* her to take this job at Starbucks."
and the Number 1 Bad Passage From a Chick Lit Novel...
- "'What a smoking hot, drool-inducing hunk of man!' thought Shelley as she pulled off a particularly large piece of Ricardo's barbecued torso."
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Selected from 71 submissions from 20 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Brad Hamer, Austin, TX -- 1 (10th #1)
- Brad Wilkerson, Mesa, AZ -- 2
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 3, 4 Hall of Famer
- Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA -- 5, 14 Website / Hall of Famer
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 6, 7 Website / Hall of Famer
- Randy Lee, Burke, VA -- 8
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 9 Hall of Famer
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 10 Hall of Famer
- Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan -- 11
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 12 Hall of Famer
- Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA -- 13
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 15
- Terry Ramsdell, Ann Arbor, MI -- 16
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- John Stamos Project, Los Angeles, CA -- Ambience (explanation)
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