The Top 15 Differences Now That Britney's a Mom


  1. In the Federline household, Britney no longer sucks the most.

  2. Britney buys one of every outfit in Gymboree's Li'l Skank line.

  3. Now all of her hoochie-mama outfits come complete with spittle.

  4. Next year's Super Bowl halftime performance will feature a "feeding malfunction."

  5. Exposed C-section scars become all the rage.

  6. Middle-aged pervs around the world glumly cross another one off their list and start downloading photos of the Olsen twins instead.

  7. Kevin's megasperm begins looking for its next conquest.

  8. Her claim of still being a virgin is only marginally less believable than it was five years ago.

  9. Only *four* signs of the apocalypse to go.

  10. With both Mom and Kevin hovering attentively, there's never a shortage of boobs.

  11. Every night at bedtime, the poor child shrieks in agony when mom starts singing lullabies.

  12. With the new baby, the collective IQ of the Federline family soars into the triple digits.

  13. There's finally someone for Madonna's baby to French kiss.

  14. "Oops! He shitted again."

    and the Number 1 Difference Now That Britney's a Mom...

  15. A determined Christina Aguilera works feverishly to find a way to make milk come out of her nipples, too.


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