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AKA "The swinging comedy cocktail party of the first part."
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November 16, 2007
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Things in Southern California have settled down now,
after a number of wildfires forced nearly a million
people to abandoned their homes and seek temporary shelter.
But despite the nonstop news coverage that lasted close
to a week, one important question remains unanswered...
The Top 16 Causes of California's Enormous Wildfires
- Jerry Bruckheimer presents: "California's Enormous Wildfires"
- Ubiquitous smoking bans have driven all the smokers into the woods.
- Firefighters delayed by having to fill out pages and pages of environmental-impact statements.
- Turns out hugged trees are *extra* flammable!
- A bitter and forgotten once-Governor Gray Davis, wandering the southland hills with nothing but a gas can, a Zippo and a grudge.
- Every so often, Satan likes to remind Spielberg and Lucas what's in store for them.
- Pam Anderson mistakenly inflated her breasts with hydrogen.
- Poorly trained Wendy's employee asked burger-ordering customer if he wanted fires with that.
- Kids who quickly got bored with the video game "Burning Crap Down 2."
- A direct result of friction between Kim Bassinger and Alec Baldwin, coupled with Robert Downey Jr.'s crack pipe.
- It was a Streisand/Cruise/Lopez "perfect ego storm" conflagration.
- The Governator insists on using a flamethrower to veto bills he disagrees with.
- Since 1982, Smokey the Bear has been stuffed and standing in a hunters' lodge in Sacramento.
- With Paris, Britney, Lindsay and Tara Reid drinking the area dry every night, it was only a matter of time.
- Apparently, we now know what Jerry Falwell's dying wish was.
and the Number 1 Cause of California's Enormous Wildfires...
- "So you were in Vegas under arrest for armed robbery when the fires broke out? How convenient for you, Mr. Simpson -- BUT IT WON'T WORK THIS TIME!"
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Selected from 96 submissions from 36 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 1, 3 (47th #1) Website / Hall of Famer
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 2
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 4 Hall of Famer
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 5 Hall of Famer
- Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 6
- Rex Meredith, Palm Springs, CA -- 7
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 8
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 9 Website / Hall of Famer
- Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA -- 10
- Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 11
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 12 Hall of Famer
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 13, 14 Hall of Famer
- Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX -- 15
- Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX -- 16 Website
- Curtis Stoddard, Cedar Hills, UT -- 16
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY -- 16
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Michael Martin Murphey, Dallas, TX -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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