June 1, 2007
The Top 16 Celebrity Scandals We'd Like to See
- Ashton Kutcher pranks James Gandolfini; finds a horse's head in his bed the next morning.
- Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears spend a quiet evening, fully clothed, playing Yahtzee.
- Rush Limbaugh is arrested at customs with 30,000 OxyContin pills in a hollowed-out Bible.
- Exclusive investigative report: "Dancing With the Stars" does not employ genuine stars!
- Paris Hilton becomes infected with the resistant strain of tuberculosis, makes out with the entire population of Las Vegas, then flies to India for a short vacation.
- George Thorogood is overheard ordering a strawberry daiquiri.
- Ed Begley, Jr. is pulled over by the California Highway Patrol on his way to Vegas for doing 130 in a rented Hummer.
- DNA proves Tom and Suri Cruise are not human, not Thetan, and not even related.
- Security videos capture a tanked and belligerent Mel Gibson staggering into Steven Spielberg's home and carving "Didn't happen, Jewboy!" into his "Schindler's List" Oscar statuette.
- Rosie O'Donnell caught on tape being meek, quiet and pensive.
- George Michael is found using a public men's room for, well, peeing.
- PETA gets involved when it learns William Shatner's hairpiece is made of tribble fur.
- Video surfaces showing long-time vegetarian Pamela Anderson eating a foot-long hot do-- er, never mind.
- Angelina adopts a rare, hairless cat; paparazzi get pics of her getting out of the car and showing her bald pussy to everyone.
- Michael Moore is exposed as the DNA donor for the newest arrival in the Cheney clan.
and the Number 1 Celebrity Scandal We'd Like to See...
- While bulking up for "Bridget Jones III," Renee Zellweger accidentally devours Calista Flockhart in a freak Hollandaise accident.
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Selected from 127 submissions from 45 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 1, 5, 14 (12th #1/Hat trick!)
- Stephen A. Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO -- 2
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 3 Website / Hall of Famer
- Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 4
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- 4
- Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA -- 5 Hall of Famer
- Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA -- 6
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 7, 11 Hall of Famer
- Ian Dauphinee, Calgary, AB, Canada -- 7
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 8 Hall of Famer
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 9
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 10 Hall of Famer
- David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA -- 10
- Brandon Eldridge, St. Louis, MO -- 12
- Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 13
- Curtis Stoddard, Cedar Hills, UT -- 15
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 16
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Topic, Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Scandal, New York, NY -- Ambience (explanation)
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