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The ultimate non-stank topical analgesic heat rub.
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November 19, 2007
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Actor Chuck Norris jumped on the Mike Huckabee bandwagon
as the "Walker, Texas Ranger" star threw his support behind
the Republican candidate for president. But what will Chuck
bring to the campaign besides exercise-equipment-infomercial
star power, a bad hairpiece and a smokin' hot trophy wife?
The Top 12 Chuck Norris Campaign Suggestions
- Kill them all and let the Supreme Court sort 'em out.
- Make sure there are sufficient campaign lackeys available for the "taking names" part.
- Incorporate the words "Walker," "Texas" and "Ranger" into speeches frequently. But, at all costs, avoid any Bush referen-- uh, oh.
- Chuck vs. Alec Baldwin. Ten rounds. Loser deported.
- Inconvenient questions on evolution and intelligent design? Tell them you'll have the answer after checking with Chuck as to which animals he's allowing to live.
- Claim you extracted John McCain from a Vietnamese prison camp single-handedly.
- "I've always been fond of the shirtless-and-oiled-torso look. Let's see those abs... Holy mother of God, put your corset back on! The horror!"
- If the other campaigns "go negative," offers to let Huckabee take cover in his beard.
- Promise to replace waterboarding with "Chuck Norris-ing," then offer a taste test to your opponents.
- Get a token Black sidekick. Give him the same authority as you, but only 10 percent of the screen time.
- Don't "run" for president; your plan is to *take* the presidency. After that leaks out, the White House will be empty when you get there.
and the Number 1 Chuck Norris Campaign Suggestion...
- Rename the Secretary of Defense the "Secretary of Beating Your Ass to Death With Your Own Ass."
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Selected from 86 submissions from 33 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX -- 1 (20th #1) Website
- Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI -- 2, 4, 8 (Hat trick!)
- Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 3, 6
- Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 5
- Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA -- 7
- Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA -- 9
- Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA -- 10, 11 Website / Hall of Famer
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 12
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag
- Kim Walker-Daniels, Madison, WI -- List moderator
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Les Claypool and the Holy Mackerel, Richmond, CA -- Ambience (explanation)
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