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We put the "clam" in "exclamation."
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October 13, 2007
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Rocker/TV dad Ozzy Osbourne and wife Sharon have
an assisted-suicide pact in their living wills.
Hmmm... makes you wonder what interesting clauses
might be in other celebs' living wills, doesn't it?
The Top 15 Clauses in the
Living Wills of Celebrities
- George W. Bush: "How the heck should I know? Just do whatever Rove tells you to do."
- Paris Hilton: "Whatever. Just make sure you film it."
- Flavor Flav: "As a last resort, my teeth should be removed and melted down to pay for my long-term care."
- Dennis Kucinich: "Upon total loss of brain function, I must be fed an all-meat diet because I refuse to spend my final days as a vegetarian engaging in cannibalism."
- Dr. Jack Kevorkian: "Do whatever it takes. ANYTHING! Just please don't let me die!"
- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: "Stuff my body with our peaceful nuclear material then transfer me by rocket to Israel."
- Roy Horn: "Have Siegfried feed the rest of me to the tiger."
- Lindsay Lohan: "I thought I already told everyone to just let me sleep it off!"
- Britney Spears: "If I end up in the hospital on life support, remove the tube. And my panties. Then call in the paparazzi."
- Keith Richards: "Do NOT pull the plug. Just let me lie here, and keep that sweet, sweet Morphine drip going."
- Nicole Richie: "After every stomach-tube feeding, the nurse must stick her finger down my throat."
- Keanu Reeves: Didn't think he needed a living will -- which is why he's now stuck in a permanent vegetative state.
- Mel Gibson: "No $&*#@ Jewish doctors!"
- Miss Teen South Carolina: "Unlike the Iraq, some U.S. Americans do not, as such, have wills, living or dead. Thank you."
and the Number 1 Clause in the Living Will of a Celebrity...
- Dick Cheney: "Retrieve black body armor and position my body inside as indicated. Attach armor's internal life support system to breathing helmet. Affix helmet to suit. Test respiration. If functioning properly, disconnect hospital life-support."
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Selected from 90 submissions from 32 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 1 (44th #1) Website / Hall of Famer
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 2 Hall of Famer
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 3
- Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX -- 4, 6, Banner Tag
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 5 Website / Hall of Famer
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- 6
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 7, 9 Hall of Famer
- Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA -- 7
- Brad Wilkerson, Mesa, AZ -- 7
- Nathan C. Sherman, Bellevue, WA -- 8
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 10, 15
- Stephen A. Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO -- 11
- John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN -- 12
- Reid Kerr, Tyler, TX -- 13 Website
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 14
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Radiohead, Oxford, England -- Ambience (explanation)
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