March 2, 2007
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Two clowns were shot and killed by an unidentified
gunman during their performance at a traveling
circus in the eastern Colombian town of Cucuta.
The Top 13 Closing Statements
in a Clown Killer Trial
- "If the giant red shoes don't fit, you must acquit."
- "How can we even be sure that my client was the triggerman? Eyewitnesses testified that they saw 32 other people in the car."
- "The prosecution failed prove that the residue on the victim's face matched the meringue stain from the vehicle."
- "I sincerely hope you find my client guilty -- of zany, madcap buffoonery!"
- "There're some sad things known to man, but there ain't too much sadder than the corpse of a clown."
- "A little song, a little dance, a little justice down your pants."
- "Seltzer bottle... .357 Magnum. Any one of us could have made the same terrible, tragic mistake."
- "You want the goof? You can't handle the goof!"
- "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages of the jury!"
- "This heinous act is a pie in the face of clowns everywhere."
- "You've seen a lot of circumstantial evidence. You've heard a lot of wild speculation from the prosecution. But where, WHERE is the dripping lapel-flower?"
- "Don't be fooled by the defendant's tears. Just like his alibi, they're entirely made up!"
and the Number 1 Closing Statement in a Clown Killer Trial...
- "You're out of seltzer! You're out of seltzer! This whole trial is out of seltzer!"
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Selected from 92 submissions from 37 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Michael Sheinbaum, Guilford, CT -- 1 (19th #1) Website
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 2, 3, 13 (Hat trick!) Hall of Famer
- Jeff Johnson, Los Altos, CA -- 2, 13
- John Gephart IV, Harrisburg, PA -- 4 Website
- Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA -- 5
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 6 Hall of Famer
- Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 7, 12
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 7, 13 Hall of Famer
- Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 8
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 9 Hall of Famer
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 10, Banner Tag
- John Treusch, Burlington, NJ -- 11, 12 Hall of Famer
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 12 Hall of Famer
- Andrew Thomas, Shrewsbury, MA -- 13
- Curtis Stoddard, Cedar Hills, UT -- 13
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 13 Hall of Famer
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA -- Topic
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- List moderator
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Derek Trucks, Jacksonville, FL -- Ambience (explanation)
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