|
|
|
Tip: Have your humor filter professionally cleaned yearly.
|
|
September 6, 2007
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Global coffee behemoth Starbucks is planning
expansion into Russia after quietly opening
its first outlet in Moscow last week.
Wonder what a Starbucks in Russia would be like?
Wonder no more!
The Top 15 Differences at a Russian Starbucks
(Part I)
- Doesn't matter what you order -- Colombia Supremo, Arabian Mocha, French Roast -- it all tastes like beets.
- No surprise here: Yakov Smirnoff is more talented as a barista than as a comedian.
- The Red Square store is conveniently situated so that, as you order, you can see Lenin's body doing 45 RPMs.
- All cup lids have hidden embedded microphones.
- CDs at the counter: Norah Jones? No, comrade. Elton John? No, comrade. "Beloved Drinking Songs Sung by Boris Yeltsin"? Da!
- Reporters must expressly order low-thallium foam on their their CapPutinos.
- The mermaid on the logo has more long flowing hair -- on her chin.
- Be sure to request your latte "KGB style," where they take it out back to be shot -- with espresso!
- "Of *course* we sell iced coffee. We're in Siberia, for God's sake!"
- The Red Army re-mobilizes immediately to defend the country against a pernicious threat to Russian culture: Kenny G.
- The venti cup has a grande cup nested in it, which in turn has a tall size cup nested in it.
- Extremely long lines -- but that's because they also sell bread and toilet paper.
- Folks will have a place to congregate when they hear the news of Elvis' passing.
- The special chocolate Frappucino with added caramel is known as a "Mousse and Swirl."
and the Number 1 Difference at a Russian Starbucks...
- Your two coffee choices are "Black and bitter like soul of tortured Russian poet" or "Light and sweet like skin of overfed American capitalist pig."
Our ClubTop5 members get to see the
Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
for today's list, plus much MUCH more.
Join today!
|
Selected from 134 submissions from 47 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 1 (33rd #1) Hall of Famer
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 2 Hall of Famer
- Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA -- 3, 4
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- 3
- Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA -- 4
- Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 4
- Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA -- 4
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 5, 14 Hall of Famer
- Rex Meredith, Palm Springs, CA -- 6
- Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN -- 7
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY -- 7
- Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX -- 7
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 8 Hall of Famer
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 8 Website / Hall of Famer
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 9
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 10 Website / Hall of Famer
- John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN -- 11
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 12
- Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 13
- Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 13 Hall of Famer
- Pam Wylder, Bloomington, IL -- 15
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- Topic Hall of Famer
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- P.O.D., San Ysidro, CA -- Ambience (explanation)
|
|
|
|
|
|
© Copyright 1994-2008. All rights reserved.
TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.
|
|
|
