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July 24, 2008
The Top 20 Differences in a World Without Men
- For tax purposes, vibrators are considered dependents.
- As far as the eye can see: unopened jars.
- Millennia-old arts of power-burping and fart-lighting are lost forever.
- "Do Wah Diddy Diddy" is a big hit for Womanfred Womann.
- ESPN now stands for the Estrogen, Salad and Potpourri Network.
- 85% reduction in the number of boogers wiped under bus seats.
- "How's it hangin'?" replaced by "How's it secretin'?"
- No babies subjected to the clueless shenanigans of Tom Selleck, Ted Danson and Steve Guttenberg.
- High heels only worn to reach things on the top shelf.
- Trailer-hitch testicles on redneck trucks replaced with grill-mounted Truck Tits (tm).
- Martha Stewart accepts presidential administration post as Secretary of Everything.
- Women all over the world have no need for clothing as they live life to its sleek, airy, unencumbered, sun-bronzed, bouncy, pillow-fighting, perspiration-glistening-- uh, 'scuse me a minute...
- More monkeys as pets, as women occasionally long for the good old days.
- Oprah seizes global power with a bloody victory over Tyra.
- No more war, as all the spare metal has been melted down to make Vagipulse X-6000s.
- "And for the fifth consecutive year, Danica Patrick is the Kotex Cup champion!"
- Gitmo filled with supermodels who are being indefinitely detained but have yet to be charged with an actual crime.
- Bill of Rights Amendment #1: Toilet seats shall be permanently glued down.
- Batteries in TV remote controls seem to last an eternity.
and the Number 1 Difference in a World Without Men...
- Mary, Flo and Shirley are forced to take waitressing gigs after the complete and total failure of their comedy troupe, The Three Stoogettes.
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Selected from 101 submissions from 36 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Brad Hamer, Austin, TX -- 1, 18 (13th #1)
- Curtis Stoddard, Cedar Hills, UT -- 2
- Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN -- 3, 16
- Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA -- 3
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 3 Hall of Famer
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 3
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 3 Hall of Famer
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 4, 12 Website / Hall of Famer
- Randy Pan, Sulphur, LA -- 4
- Brandon Eldridge, St. Louis, MO -- 5
- Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID -- 6
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 7, 9 Website / Hall of Famer
- Reid Kerr, Tyler, TX -- 7 Website
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 8 Website / Hall of Famer
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 10
- Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA -- 11
- Randy Lee, Burke, VA -- 13, 17
- J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA -- 14
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 15 Hall of Famer
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 16, 18 Hall of Famer
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 19 Hall of Famer
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 19
- Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA -- 20
- Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- Topic
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Conjoint, Heidelberg, Germany -- Ambience (explanation)
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