In the world of standup comedy, where originality
and longevity are rarities, George Carlin managed
to remain unique, popular and relevant until the end.
His most notorious bit was the infamous "Seven
Words You Can't Say on TV." You can hear George
discuss all seven of them here, though I should
warn you the audio is unsafe for TV *and* work:
TopFive decided to pay tribute to George
by taking his own idea a step further.
Rest in peace, George. Or remain angry. Your call.
The Top 33 Phrases You Can't Say on TV
South Park: "Oh, my God! They fucked Kenny!"
Get Smart: "Missed it by *that* much. And when I say 'it,' Chief, I'm making a not-very-subtle reference to my cock."
Harry Caray: "Holy cowshit!"
Verizon ad: "Can you fucking hear me NOW?"
Alka Seltzer ad: "Plop, plop, jizz, jizz. Oh, what a relief it is!"
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: "Cowabunghole!"
Camel Cigarettes ad: "I'd walk a mile for a cameltoe."
Family Guy: "Okay, new plan to kill Lois: If I make a dildo bomb, the next time Lois masturbates... KABOOM! Pussy everywhere."
Seinfeld: "Fuck off, Newman."
Candid Camera: "Smile! You're on Candid Upskirt Vaginacam!"
The Simpsons: "Don't fuck a cow, man!"
Laugh-In: "Fist it to me!"
Star Trek: "Live long, and fuck like a Ferengi!"
Futurama: "Suck my shiny metal cock!"
Wendy's ad: "Where's the queef?"
Keith Olberman: "Good night, and go fuck yourself."
Frasier: "Niles, that wine tastes like the fucked-out twat of a dock worker's sister."
The Price Is Right: "Cum on Drew!"
HeadOn ad: "Apply directly to fucking morons."
SNL: "Jane, you ignorant cocksucker."
Cheers: "Sometimes you want to go where everybody blows your wang."
Leave It to Beaver: "Ward, weren't you a little hard on the pussy last night?"
Hawaii Five-O: "Fuck 'em, Danno."
Trix ad: "Silly rabbit -- blowjobs are for presidents!"
BASF ad: "We don't make a lot of the products you buy. We make them SUPER FUCKING AWESOME!!!"
Jeopardy!: "I'll take 'Famous Insufferable Pricks' for 800, Alex."
Dateline: To Catch a Predator: "I'm Chris Hansen with 'Dateline NBC,' and you, my sick friend, are completely and utterly fucked."
Batman: "Holy nun cunt, Batman!"
Apple ad: "Hi, I'm a Mac. Fuck you, PC, and the motherfucking piece of shit Vista you rode in on."
Beef Council ad: "Beef -- it's what's fuckin' up your colon."
Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?: "... And I'd've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling, school-skipping, bong-smoking, pud-pounding, circle-jerking, shit-eating, cock-sucking, ass-fisting, semen-gargling, motherfucking douchebags!"
