|
|
|
And this one time, at list camp...
|
|
March 8, 2007
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
John Travolta claims that if Anna Nicole Smith
had only followed the teachings of Scientology,
she'd be alive today. Um... okay, John....
The Top 15 Historical Changes
Made Possible by Scientology
- Young Ben Franklin, experimenting with tinfoil, baling wire and suet, invents the first rudimentary E-meter.
- After breaking with Rome, a newly-converted Henry VIII proclaims his love for Ann Boleyn while jumping up and down on his throne.
- An eager public finds beloved actor Tom Cruise's recent behavior downright inspiring.
- Presidentologist George W. Bush leads us into a war to remove the evil dictator Xenu from the planet Nostra and any other planets that aid or abet thetans.
- November, 1963: A Dallas postman accidentally switches the mail order rifle for Lee H. Oswald with the mail order E-meter for Oswald H. Lee. November, 1964: JFK is reelected in a landslide.
- "We hold this truth to be self-evident: There is a sucker born every minute."
- With a little help from his Scientologist-beard wife, Reverend Ted Haggard is free to snort meth and hump dudes without all that pesky media attention.
- William Shakespeare channels his creative energies away from all those silly, overly-verbose tragedies and comedies and instead pioneers the genre of cheesy science fiction.
- It's back to renovating kitchen cabinets for carpenter Jesus of Nazareth.
- Instead of organizing the first Crusade, Pope Urban eases back in his papal throne with his feet propped up, just chillin'.
- Psychotherapy is obsolete as a self-help technique called FreuDianetics helps us achieve awareness of our penis envy across many lifetimes.
- Jackie Kennedy leads the 1960s fashion world in a tinfoil pillbox-hat craze.
- "I did not have sexual relations with that Thetan."
- With no need to invent modern psychiatry, Sigmund Freud spends his days castrating hogs for "Ma Freud's original mini-bratwurst and fish-taco stand."
and the Number 1 Historical Change Made Possible by Scientology...
- The Iraq war is narrowly averted when UN inspectors realize the only bomb makeup artist Saddam Hussein is working on is "Battlefield Earth."
Our ClubTop5 members get to see the
Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
for today's list, plus much MUCH more.
Join today!
|
Selected from 80 submissions from 33 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Pam Wylder, Bloomington, IL -- 1, 5 (26th #1)
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 2, 15
- Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA -- 3
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 4, 7 Hall of Famer
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 6 Website
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 8 Hall of Famer
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 9, Banner Tag
- Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 10
- Brad Wilkerson, Mesa, AZ -- 11
- Steve Huntington, San Jose, CA -- 12
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 13 Hall of Famer
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 14 Website / Hall of Famer
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- Topic Website / Hall of Famer
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Thomas Robertson, Cairo, Egypt -- Ambience (explanation)
|
|
|
|
|
|
© Copyright 1994-2008. All rights reserved.
TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.
|
|
|
